No title

Since is Christmas, I thought I will be posting about something happy,

I even count my days to the happy days ahead,

I dont know how and what should I feel,

as much as i try to tell myself not to think about it and stay positve,

each time i close my eyes, it just come into my mind,

I cant even sleep despite only having 3 hours of sleep,

Why do I have to see it so narrowly?

I wish I could just get over it,

I wish even more you have not mention about it before,

I guess is because I really look forward to it really badly,

Staying patient and working hard,

I thought I could finally deserve a sweet treat,

A least something that motivates me before starting off a new year,

A completely new year facing the working life,

Which I still feel so mentally unprepared for it because I know the kinda pressure I am going to face daily,

I just want that motivation,

I really look forward to doing this with you,

I am not the usually so pestering type,

I have always learn to accept that sometimes thing do not go my way,

But I really want this so badly,

I couldnt accept still the reason why it didnt work out,

You may wonder that I could still proceed the plan with someone else,

Is not about doing it, is about this little wish and dream of mine,

It will just not be the same without you,

Maybe I felt this way is because I have been depress recently,

I feel so deprived of you,

I miss those times when you are around,

I thought I finally could have some solid and quality moment with you,

I just want to be away from this stress, some happy moment with you,

Why it just have to turn out this way?

I really feel so emotional and depress,

I dont know how to get out of it,

I am really trying hard, hence the consistent pestering despite you already tell me the answer.

Why do it always have to end up with disappoinment?

If this instant, someone can tell me what I could do to make it happen,

I would have really go all the way to do it, really..I really meant it,

I just want you around without any rush, without the constant need to check the time, and worry about receiving phone calls...

T_T

Christmas!

Finally the year is about to come to an end...

Reminisicing what I was doing last year around this time, I couldn't believe a year has passed since then. I remembered I was busy catching the TVB "No Regret" drama series and hoping for a better year ahead. No worries, no expectation and just the same wish.

For me, I love Christmas the most among all the festive season as I felt is the most magical festive season, the lights, the songs and the theme just make the festive felt so warm and merry. In order to make myself happy, I will buy a Christmas present for myself, because I never get what I want for Christmas and I never blame anyone for that! Moreover, Christmas usually come after my final exam and I think I deserve a reward for the hardwork during exam. Furtermore, I would have no holidays to go. How Christmas unfold every year just seems like a routine to me, the same old place for Christmas eve dinner, same food, same kinda expectation, same environment, same people, same present and on Christmas day itself, I sometimes even forget is actually Christmas!

That is because I still continue wishing for the same thing every Christmas, to spend a White Christmas with my special someone, underneath the falling snow and wishing each other a "Merry Christmas" when the clock strikes twelve followed by a warm hug...

Moving on from single to being attached, I thought Christmas is really going to be so different this year, I was imaginning it from the beginning of the year until the year end, I really thought my Christmas wish is goin to come true...

I guess I have not been a good boy afterall, I admit Im not really a good boy this year, Santa Claus just cannot grant my Christmas wish.


Dear Santa,

I no longer wish for a toy. Neither do I need anything fancy or expensive. If there is one thing you want fit into that Christmas sock, I wish is a...

Ticket.

A ticket that allow me to spend Christmas with Him, My special someone, a kiss and a warm hug underneath the falling snow. Ok, snow is optional~!

Nevertheless, it will always be my Christmas wish every year till it ever come true...and if it ever come true, I wish I can have it every year...

That is all I want for Christmas.

But as I once said, the simplest wish always tend not to come true...

I guess I just have to continue wishing harder and perhaps be a good boy next year. Hopefully Santa will grant my wish...

A place of solace

Is been so long since I ever felt like this ...I really don't know how to handle it ...but I just can't control it ...seems like this place no longer allows me to write freely...I just can't get out of it...I feel like breaking down T_T

When someone loves you

it is not easy for two souls to met and love each other. Some people met and fell in love but later it gets sour because both of them do not share the same view about love. Sometimes you compare with other couples or your perception about love, you may feel your partner does not love the way you expect him to love. Actually not everyone is born with the capabilty to love someone so much. Due to differences in their upbringing and cultures, different people share different view about love. Some people engage in a relationship because they are afraid of being lonely, they need someone to call bf, or maybe someone to satisfy their sexual needs. The joyous moment of being in a relationship especially when the relationship just started and evrything seems so lovey davey. Maybe sometimes certain people even allow themselves to create a delusional feelings that their partner love them so much just because of some sweetalks and some affection showered on them that no other person has done for them so far.

Perhaps the biggest mistake some people did when being in a relationship was to compromise too much and too engross with the sweet talking and the intimate moment both of you shared. You failed to question the issue that arise in a relationship for fear of losing that someone and not knowing whether that person will like it or not.

Everyone has different perception on how to love someone. Thus, it is really your luck who you met with. Certain people just like to flirt , some dislike someone who is too clingy , some prefer you to go Dutch when goin out for a date, some prefer to be given more freedom to hang out with their friends , some prefer to put their career first in their lives. For some people, a relationship simply means a companion to fill up their lonely moment. Some people really do not think is a big issue and can be cool about it and still claim their partner loves them as long as they know he still show affection. However , it will be unhappy thing for you and may even lead to constant argument if you do not share the same view as them.

You know when someone really love you :
1)When there is no way, he will still manage to find a way just for you.
2) he is more concern about how you felt rather than how he felt.
3) he rather sacrifice his sleeping time just to stay up to chat with you before goin to bed because he was so busy the whole day.
4) he knows even if he cant call you , he can still text you to ask about your whereabouts although he is so busy, to send and type a SMS doesn't take you more than 2 minutes!
5) he rather you are happy than him because he felt even happier when he knows he has made you happy
6) he rather reduce his own expenses just to save enough for you and for him.
7) he remember all the tiny details about you
8) when he made an effort to remember your phone number without you telling him
9) you are never too troublesome for him
10) he loves it when you tell him your problems because that is the time he knows he can do something for you who he claimed to
Love so much
11) he still loves you although you hurt him so much
12) he no longer show interest in anyone except you
13) he made an effort to know your friends

14) he include you as part of his dream and aspiration in life
15) he still think you are gorgeous when you just woke up from sleep or have a big
Pimple on your nose!

The list continues but those are the examples that how to know someone mean it when they said they loves you.

It takes two person to make a relationship work and to last. Action speaks louder than words and sweetalking and promises means nothing if there is no tangible proof of them. However , not everyone is perfect and some is willing to listen and communicate with each other what is their need and expectation in a relationship.

If you want a relationship to last , find someone who share the same view on love as you or someone who is willing to change for the better because he values the relationship too much.

Im so grateful I found someone who has done that for me, lucky to have you darling!!
15) he is angry when

Compass

Waking up feeling zombified these days,

I felt like there is no sense of direction in my daily life,

I am really losing interest in what I am doing,

But despite it all, I have finally come to the last stage,

It is really not the time to give up but rather finishing it and end it once and for all,

Is really difficult to be outstanding in something you have no passion and no interest,

Trying each time to convince yourself again and again,

Im amazed how I manage to pull through each stage when my other peers even failed to pass,

What is next after this?

How am I going to endure for the continuing future doing this thing?

I really tried setting up my mind to like what Im doing, but it just wont register into my head,

I really has taken one wrong step in my life,

How silly is it, because of my desire to chase after something that I couldnt get in the past,

I ended up here, is not a bad place, in fact it offers a bright opportunity,

But if only I have met the right person and having someone to guide me, I knew I would have end up somewhere better

But I am just completely not good at it,

Despite all these, I found something that I like, and it became my only focus object,

You can't blame me, is after all what I have been looking for so long,

I felt so insecure recently, no clear sense of direction, is like I just followed where the wind blowed me,

I just hope there is someone to show me the way or at least tell me what to do,

I really want to have a clearer direction of my own life,

At the moment , I would just need to endure what I am doing until I found the opportunity,

Just needed someone guide me sometimes and motivating me,

Glad that I still have this blog to rant out everything I wanted to,

At least I felt some relief.

If only I have a compass that can lead me....

Fiction became reality?

Waking up with a bright smile,
No feeling of wanting to go back to sleep although is just slightly after dawn,
The anticipation is better than the kickboost from caffein,
Imagining how each plan of ours for the day unfold,
All I wanted now is to quickly meet you and start our adventure,
Leaving everything behind,
Knowing we have lots of time,
But each second that passed will be savoured,
Happy times tend to accelerate,
Finally after those tiring period,
I can hold your hand for the longest period of time,
No deadline, no exams, no work, no challenge,
Where missing you became kissing you,
A holiday worth remembering,
Will this fiction ever became a reality?

Confusion

Sometimes I am confused of my own feeling,
Am I clingy or worried?
Worried? What is there to be worried about?
Do I care too much?
Do I tried too hard?
Am I overprotective?
Am I causing myself too much stress?
I have lots other important thing to care about which I am neglecting,
Is not I purposely choose to do that, I just cannot concentrate,
Not knowing what is happening, I cannot sleep, I cannot stay calm,
And knowing I could reach you and know about your whereabout easily,
But I do not know If I am doing the right things, interogating so much,
I know I do not need worry about you and you will be just fine,
But I cannot bring myself to do that,
And when I chose to ignore that feeling, there is a possibility something might go wrong and it has proven right from the incident happened not so long ago,
No...is just impossible that I will not feel worry about you if I know you are somewhere out there for such long period of time,
I am worried because you matter too much ,
I am worried because I could not bare knowing something happened to you,
I am worried because I love you too much,
And I'm glad I finally reached you before ending this post,
I just want know you are safe and sound,
I'm relief that you are ;)
p/s: No wonder i keep having white hair, u r one of the main contributor! >

Theme Park? Fun Fair?

Hearing the voice of excitement from people screaming, the familiar looping music from the machines, the beeping sound and laughter from passerby...

The smell of the freshly popped popcorn and the sight of colorful candies and candy floss,

The glimmering colorful light from the graceful ferris-wheel, the sight of roller-coaster, pirate ship, haunted house, the game booth where people trying their luck so hard to get a doll which they can most probably afford to buy them in a store....

I feel like visiting a funfair or theme park, I can safely said is close to a decade since I last been to one. I remembered when I was a kid, is a norm to see fun fair being set up near your housing area. These days, I don't even see any. Maybe people have found other source of entertainment that made the fun fair business not worth embarking.

I somehow prefer the sight of those rides and machines at night, it appear more magical and plus you do not need worry about blazing hot sun.

Having no one to accompany me on those trips with parents to Genting Highlands, I feel like an adult even as a kid. I never have any keen feeling to go for any ride. The very fact that I am not allowed to go and no one to accompany me has made me keep those excitement beneath me. As time goes by, I have accepted that is ok I never get a chance to ride on those machines.

Sometimes I have this idea of maybe going alone one day and tried out all the ride, moreover my uni is just right next to a theme park!!

But I know being me I will most probably abandon the whole idea, few years back maybe I still enjoyed going alone, but these days I will never want visit those kinda places alone, I would never even consider watching a movie in a cinema alone.

If I ever go to a theme park again, I would want try to ride the roller coaster, but I do not know whether I will like it or not also.

And besides fun fair and theme park, something else I also missed is going for a circus!

But now I think circus encouraged animal cruelty, still is nice to watch those performance ...

Those were the times...

Reminiscence...

Half a year has gone

Should have written this post last month but due to procrastination it was delayed until now, July is coming to an end as well...

I'm really grateful that in this past six months nothing bad has happened but only good memories. Although my life has not became very colorful, it is certainly very different as compared to before meeting him...

A quick recap on what happened in last six months:

1) Done and submitted my thesis.
2) Found a bf. ( Long long story...)
3) First time knock someone's car ><
4) Climbed Broga hill.
5) Failed all my progress test and mock exam, did not study consistently but work very hard before finals and now praying that I will pass the two papers. I just need a pass ><
6) Came out to "Alex" again and finally bridged the friendship that was broken.
7) Owned an Iphone 4 :)
8) Get to know more friends from the rainbow world.
9) First time getting a summon!
10) Been sexually active. :) im no longer dry...hahahaha

In conclusion, this past six months, is mainly about how life is different being in a relationship. That will be for another post. But I have to say, is the sweetest six months I had and is still continuing happily. Although I am still the dull and boring me, but I am no longer lonely! In fact, there is two less lonely people in this world jor...hahahaha

That is all for now. ;)

100 Facts about me- Part 1

This post is dedicated to Mr Forest ;)





1.I am currently in a relationship :)


2.I am having my first serious relationship.


3.I am still a v-i-r-g-i-n. Oooops...LOL. Waiting for someone to change that fact :-x


4.I used to hate guys. LOL


5.I never thought of liking someone younger before. LOL


6.I like seeking attention from the one I love :p and is actually very clingy :-x


7.I am a morning person.


8.I am afraid of height.


9. I can't swim. Trying to change that fact.


10. I am very impatient. Trying to change that fact.


11.I used to like sleeping on the floor but not anymore. I can't sleep without a bed now.


12.My least favourite vege is brinjal unless it is fried ;)


13.I don't eat beef because I pity cow. But I love lamb...LOL :p


14.I have never board an airplane and a ship before.


15.I have never ride a roller coaster before.


16.I never been to oversea before and my furthest is Perak.


17.I can't speak English until standard 4.


18.I used to be very scare of dogs and never dare to touch them.


19.I feel like sleeping if I am down with troubles.


20.I am a very curious person and can go till great extend to satisfy my curiousity ;p


21.I never ride a motorbike before :(


22.I used to be afraid of the supernatural(ghost to be exact) until I got immune to them.


23.My least favourite colour is pink.


24.It is very easy to make me laugh but very difficult to make me cry.


25.When I was a kid, I love looking at the clouds and imagining them as monsters and dragons fighting in the air. Till today I still enjoy looking at the clouds. ;)


26.When I was a kid, I hate Bah Kut Teh the most; but today, it has became my favourite xD


27.I am a big kid and never like serious and mature stuff. But I have got no choice, I need to grow up in order to cope with life. But no matter how difficult is life, it does not kill the kid in me :p


28.I love anything that has to do with robots, monsters, dragons, magical or things that I can assemble ;) I seldom like cute stuff actually...LOL


29.I hate gardening and plants usually end up dying if being taken care by me. haha


30.I enjoy seafood more than meat. I must have fish everyday if possible.


31.I like any vegetables that is leafy but my favourite vegetable is ladies finger.


32.Having money won't make me happy, is what I can do with the money that make me happy.


33.I cannot sit or stand quietly. I don't like staying at home unless I am tired.


34.The thing I never like receiving for birthday is mug or cup. Lucky I only received once. That is because I only feel comfortable using my current mug.


35.I never like the idea of giving or receiving undergarment as Birthday or Christmas gift either. Is ok if I get it on normal days.


36.I buy clothes because I need to look good and not because I enjoy buying them. I will get headache each time I need to shop for clothes. It will be really great to have someone with good taste helping me to choose and decide for me.But must have good taste because I am very picky :p


37.I am no longer sensitive to coffee. ;)


38.I have got short term memory loss.


39.I am a very touchy feely person and need body or skin contact all the time. But only from my partner!


40.I need a lot freedom and is the thing I am always fighting for.


41. I love travelling but never had the chance to indulge in it because is too costly.


42. I need enough money and will feel insecure if I don't.


43.Is difficult for me to get along with someone who is very stingy. There is a diffrence between spending wise and being stingy.


44.I don't like to talk after eating a full meal. LOL


45.I enjoy going cinema. I enjoy watching movies and do not mind any movie as long as it is not the draggy type.



46.I don't really talk much unless I need to. Therefore, I can be quite a quiet person and is ok not talking at all. Therefore, I need to find someone I feel comfortable being silent. I found it :)


47.I may appear unfriendly and that is because I am shy.


48.I am force to memorise the whole multiple table up to 12*12 at the age of 6.


49.Im a big fan of Transformers.

50. I don't remember when I last wrote whatever I am writing in this post! *GOSH* >

How much is the right amount?

I am new.
I am inexperience.
I have a traditional mindset.
I do not want to appear like very annoying or what the chinese would have call it, "fan"(烦).
Over-controlling or maybe over protective. Sometimes maybe is my fault. I do not understand that my partner is not a girl.
Or maybe I do not understand the other person.
This post was originally long. But I have deleted them. Sometimes I think I even need to choose my words.
I have no idea why things have to be so formal. I tried opening up to you sometimes, but no matter how much assurance you gave me that is ok for me to be open to you, I still remain very concious. Is as though I have a good image to protect. Don't you notice you just proven is not so ok to seek others for help?
Sometimes I just lost track. I think I am doing the right thing for doing this and that, but I never ask if is really what you want. I may think what I did is the right thing, but you may see it as maybe too much, over controlling or maybe over protective.
Or you would have think, "C'mon, I am not a kid ok?"
This post was originally very long, but I just do not want make you uncomfortable by writing too much of unneccessary thing.
So, I will just stick to the main point.
You just need tell me what is your need. I totally respect that. I believe everyone need is different. I may have think I am giving you what I think you need, but to you is actually not what you really need. And at the end of the day, you are basically still deprived of what you need.
I am not doing anything for you to satisfy my personal ego. I do it because I cared. There are things I am incapable of doing sometimes, but each little thing I think I can do it, I have done what I could in my ability to do it.
Maybe you should tell me what are the right thing to do. Sorry, I have not been someone's boyfriend before. There are many do's and don't I am not aware of.
I do not want to be doing the unneccessary thing all the time whilst missing those that I should have done.
I am not here just to utter I love you everyday for fun. I believe in action. What I can do for you, is how I can show I cared and love you.
I believed we are here to help each other progress in life. There are certainly more than just being romantic.
Last but not least, all I have done is just because I cared, but I may have been excessive sometimes, I do not know.
You just need tell me what you need. I admit I need direct clue from you. Don't beat around the bush.
p/s: this post is not well written, I just do not know how to put it in right words. But the main emphasis is, maybe you should tell me what is your definition of a boyfriend. I will always respect your need. Believe me.

End of year is coming!

Ever since I started uni life, I have 2 new year in one year :O
In fact, my school is having Christmas celebration this May! Early Christmas... =.="
But we cannot help it, June and December is like end of the year for us. When May creeps in, is the season of tense and pressure. Everyone has got no mood for jokes anymore. But still, we will go for movies and birthday celebration to keep a balance to the stressful month.
It is in fact the time of the year where everyone need lots of encouragement and motivation. Hair pulling and kiasu-ism is a common sight during this period.
As for me, time passed really fast as usual, studying my course is like riding a bullet train, time just slip pass you without notice.
I have to gladly report a zero wastage of day this year. ;)
Everyday was utilised and there is no time for mind wandering or entertaining the Mr Moody in me.
But is indeed really time to be really serious and focus.
Fight fight fight fight! Just hope everything will remain smooth as it is until finals is over.
Definitely looking forward to the semester break after finals!

i've been working hard so long

seems like pain has been my only friend

my fragile heart's been done so wrong

i wondered if i'd ever heal again

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

yesterday has come and gone

and i've learn how to leave it where it is

and i see that i was wrong

for ever doubting i could win

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

life's to short to have regrets

so i'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

only have one life to live

so you better make the best of it

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

today my life begins...

My life begins this year in fact... ;) Definitely won't give up so easily till it gets better!

Short term memory lost or premature-Alzheimeir?

Today is really a weird day.

It was suppose to be a great day, but I do not know which part of my brain went wrong.

I was at dear's place until 8pm when I needed go home already. So quickly left and when I stepped out of his house,something striked my mind.

I forgot to take my bag.

However, I decided to just forget about it as I needed to rush home and I knew there was nothing important in the bag. I can just take it tomorrow.

Dear called when I just drove out of his house, informing that I forgot to take my bag, but I told him I will just take it next time since there was nothing important.

I never know that decision will be the beginning of my trouble for the day. >< When I reached home, as usual I will take my key and open the gate. As usual, the key will be in my pocket or in the car. Ei...where is my key?? Find both the pocket and all over the car still cannot find my key. I was blanked for a moment. Only then I realised...OMG!! I left it in the bag!!! Still unable to accept the truth, I continued ransacking the car and my pocket hoping to find the key. I was trying hard to think what I should be doing at that point. Staring at the gate but unable to open it. Telling my mom that I forgot to bring home the key and asking her to open the door is certainly a death option. I am going to be skin alive if she know I lost my key ><

At that point, I was panicking. I know the key must be a dear's place. But I cannot be too sure. But I know it cannot be anywhere else. I have not went anywhere today. So, quickly call dear but no one pick up the phone. Called again and again, no one pick up the phone T____T Why when you are in panic, everything just went wrong? I am not sure if he is showering. So I decieded instead of wasting time making phone calls that no one will answer, I just accelerate and head to dear's place.

While driving half way, dear called me and I quickly told him to look for my key inside the bag. True enough, the key was inside the bag. Ok, at least I know my key is safe. But knowing that I need to go through the heavy traffic after the bad rain just to get a key and knowing I should be home now just make me feel so hopeless. All I can do is just to stop thinking about it and focus on driving. When I reached dear's place, I called him to take the bag out. I was waiting in the car and wondering why he took so long to come out. You see, when you are rushing, everything seems very slow to you. When he finally come out, I nearly laughed. He is walking so happily carrying my bag on his shoulder. He gave me my bag and I asked if he had his dinner. Before waving goodbye, he give me a flying kiss. And after saying goodbye, he stand outside the car and start drawing two heart with an arrow on the condensed car window glass. I laughed...I am happy, but I was rushing too >< So quickly rush home while glancing at the drawing on the window whenever the car slow down. Silly boy! LOL Finally reached home. Feed my dog. Then want to throw rubbish already, when dear called me and informing me that he need to go to sleep already. Wished him goodnight and I continued packing the rubbish. When I need to open the door, I realised my key is missing again!! ><" But this time I just use my mom's key. After got home, I need go dinner but still haven't found my key. I know is inside the house, maybe I misplaced it somewhere. I decided to find the key after dinner.

After dinner...

Start to look for the key in my room. Searched everywhere for it, in my bag, on my bed, on the table, on the floor...I cannot find it!! T___T Start to panic again, find in the kitchen and all over the house but still cannot find it. Why is my key running from me today? T___T I stand for a while and start recalling what I have done when I got home. Maybe I accidentally throw the key away with the rubbish! :O Quickly go find the rubbish and start searching, still cannot find it. I was so hopeless, where has my key gone??? I know is in the house but I cannot find it. Search again high and low at every corner of the house. The possible place is only kitchen and my room. Room don't have. Look really hard in the kitchen, still cannot find!!! T___T Finally, I saw the waste basket in the kitchen and my mind just tell me to look inside the basket.

At first I cannot find anything, but I suddenly saw something very familiar...My precious KEY!!!! HOW ON EARTH IT ENDED UP IN THE WASTE BASKET??? I know that I must have unconciously throwed the key away into the waste basket. T___T

Finally after I found my key, I changed my clothes in my room when I saw RM 10 notes in the envelope on my table. How come got money geh??? I quickly look into the envelope and found RM 20 inside there. Then I feel in my pocket and there is RM 10 notes in the pocket. Ha??!! Since when I put money in the envelope???

Ok...this is not the first time such thing happened, there are many times when I really cannot remember that I have done something. For example, I locked the door before going out. When I was half way already, I suddenly cannot remember if I have locked the door, and being unable recall it, I quickly go home again and to find that the door is indeed locked. T___T There are also sometimes when I misplaced my spectacle and I have to look all over for it! Sometimes when I am taking down notes, I do not realised that I am writing the same thing twice!!

The chinese would have call this: Zi gei hak zi gei ( scare yourself)

Usually such incident happened when I am running on auto-pilot. My mind is thinking of other thing but my hand and body is working on another thing. This resulted in me not knowing what I have done >< I do not know why, my mind just keep running 24/7 unless I am asleep. Even when I am talking to someone, my mind could be thinking of something else.

Think too much...should really stop thinking and day dreaming. ARGHH!! ><

What do you think?

Meme, as got tagged by Calvin.

1. What is in your mind right now?
Thinking of what to do tomorrow, how to finish revising and prepare for presentation @.@

2. Who is your role model?
No specific one, I get new role model all the time, observe people around me and pick up the good traits that I think worth following, or anyone with strong character and will to succeed, is impressing :p

3. What is your biggest fear?
Spend my life without love, being alone and being poor.

4. What talent do you wish to have? (No magical stuff)
To speak in any language and able sing :p

5. What is the one thing you want to change about yourself?
Cannot be only one, there are a lot I want improve on myself >< from physical to personality.

6. Who is your fictional hero?
Doraemon :p

7. Was your course of study during college/university a choice of your passion or a demand from your parents?
Neither.

8. Which item you cannot live without: handphone or computer?
Handphone

9. What is your dream job?
Movie director/ Successful entrepreneur.

10. Would you pose nude in a series of photographs for a million dollar? (Note: Currency is one million in your own country's value)
yes, why not? Million dollar for ur photo? I must be so gorgeous to worth that much xD

Who I want tag:

Alex (Lil tidbits of life)

Flowers in the Attic

A seed was hidden underneath layer of dust,

Let alone in the dark closet,

Every second anticipating to be found.

Xtra odinary touch of love breathed life into me,

I was a dormant seed from a withered plant,

Most cared for once upon a time,

I lived again because you watered me,

Sprouting my first shoots,

Saplings started sprouting more leaves ,

Your faith and love,

Often the sunshine nurturing me,

Until I became dependent,

Sometimes deprived of sunshine,

Only to realise I yellowed and leaves were shed,

Much sunshine I will need, even minutes of ray will do,

Until I became a tree,

Coping with growth in this attic,

Hoping to bloom flowers one day as an appreciation for the life you breathed.

The Boy Next Door

A very meaningful short film in its own way.

Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

p/s: no matter is good day, bad day, tiring day, hectic day, moody day, hyper day, horny day, cold day, warm day....YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A REASON FOR A SMILING DAY. HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME, SMILE EVERYDAY NO MATTER HOW YOUR DAY TURNED OUT TODAY =)

Aimless day

An aimless day, with no iniative to wake up early,

An aimless day, with plan to follow but no motivation to get it done,

An aimless day, with no idea of what today is all about,

An aimless day, with cakes and coffee for breakfast but ended up having only cakes,

An aimless day, knowing the coffee will spill but still being ignorant,

An aimless day, ended up with no coffee but a mess to clean,

An aimless day, with cakes that tasted different and ended up coughing it out,

An aimless day, with things to do but ended up sleeping,

An aimless day, with the usual routine but is seems more routined today,

An aimless day, with no concentration despite piles of work yet to be done,

An aimless day, drifting around with the flow of the wind,

An aimless day, is a wasted day,

An aimless day leading to aimless post of not even knowing how to end this post.

Do you experience your aimless day?

An aimless day, because my bow and arrow were ready but the target was no where to be seen.

What goes around comes around

Being much younger back then, there was not much consideration in me for others. I do not really care about others and how my action will affect them.

I expect others to please my need all the time, and if they failed, they will face some nastiness from me. Despite that, they still cared for me, in which I am truly blessed.

I have seen someone enduring all the nastiness from me and still continued caring for me. It has made me wonder, why is that person so stupid?

Well, is because that person loved you.

It made me realised how immature I am and I slowly begin to change over the years.

The trait is still in me, but I know better now and think twice before acting on my inconsideration.

As the saying said, "What goes around comes around"

You never realised how you affected others until it affected you. Once a while, I got those treatment from others, exactly the same with how I behaved back then, it hurts and definitely do not understand why you are being treated that way.

But I cannot blame them, I was not a perfect person myself.

Do not unto others, what you do not wish to be done unto you.

Being too clingy

What do you feel when you have someone who cling on you where ever you go 24/7 or maybe need you around constantly?

Don't you find that person annoying?

Don't he has a life?

It does not matter how close both the person can be, but if you need to stick to someone every minute or even second of the day, it starts to get annoying, not to the person clinging but to that person being clinged.

Everyone need some moment alone, their own privacy, to either finish their work or have some self-reflection moment. Or at least a balance and exposure to other people instead of the same person everday.

How pathetic is someone who don't have anyone but only one person for them to cling on.

I was guilty of all that many years ago, not that I do not have any life, but I just found one centre point of attention, and become totally ignorant and only focus to that centre point. It has come to a point, my world will not move without that person around.

And it is because of that, when that person leave you, you become totally devastated.

Nobody like someone who needed attention all the time. You may be free, but someone else is busy. Or you may be busy but someone is free. When time like this happened, both party must know how to respect each other.

It does not mean that person love you less or think of you less if they do not attend to you every second of the day. Sometimes, even the person who love you most has got something else to worry about beside you alone.

Give each other ample breathing space, not only it creates a healthier relationship, but it also makes both party love each other more.

As the saying said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

You will appreciate each other better when you see less or heard less of each other. And every opportunity to see other will be cherished and become memorable.

Less is more ;)

p/s: Despite writing this, I cannot help but to be annoying sometimes. You can categorise it as attention seeking, but I would always want see someone I loved in person everyday if possible, even for friends. I know the boundaries, and certainly aware of things that should not be done. No worries. =)

If you love someone, you have to be selfless

I closed my eyes, I slept, I woke up and I smiled. Knowing that I will be awake everday with you in my life. Is happier than everything I had so far.

I closed my eyes. Fear creeped in. Afraid I will be awake knowing you are no longer around. No longer loving me. No longer part of my life. No longer cares for me. And the worst will be knowing that you are now belonged to someone but that person is not me.

The constant thing that keep bothering me. I am just too afraid to go through it again. The feeling of losing someone you loved so much.

As days go by, I stepped deeper into this infatuation, unable to control myself, the feelings just developed as I opened myself and bring myself closer to you.

Yes..and your reciprocation to every step taken by me just catalysed the whole development of my feelings for you. I never expect it to develop that fast and suprisingly so solid.

But I'm just afraid. Telling myself to hold my feelings for you is almost impossible. It will never happen that way. Is true, you do not suddenly decide that you love a person. It comes without knowing.

Yes, I know you will tell me now that your feelings for me will not change and it will last. But none of us can guarantee what will happen in the future. As the song sang, Que serra serra, the future not ask to see. Who knows what will happen tomorrow right?

No point thinking so far. But I just cannot stop thinking ahead. I am selfish I know when it comes to love. I know that if you really love somebody, you should wish him happy. And that does not neccesarily mean his happiness is with you. But I will wish is forever with me.

I do not know what will happen, but I certainly know, there will be insatisfaction and difficulties faced. I have lots to learn and tonnes to improve. I am not even sure if I will succeed in life.

Yes, we can have big dreams, but no promises of achieving them. We only keep trying till we succeed. It sometimes just make me dumbfounded, I do not know where to start on realising my dreams. The only I can do right now is at least passed my exam and graduate faster. One thing I am sure, there will be a lot hardwork before I can succeed.

I just hope, I do not disappoint the person I love most again.

No one can tell what will happen in future. Only God knows. I can only do my part and do my best.

p/s: I know you will sure scold me for being silly. Is just one of those deep thought I had yesterday, not planning to post it, but after reading a post written by a blogger, feel like posting it. I think too much...sorry, yesterday suddenly quite emo xD

Don't get too carried away

Have you ever experienced, within you, lies a few personality? No, is not about mood changes, is being who you are and what suit you best. As for myself, I know well that the serious side of me suited me best. But being too serious, just make you dull and most importantly people see you lacked humour. Not being serious, on the other side, makes you like a weakling, who is too comfortable being in the comfort zone and lack conciousness and alert to surrounding. Is the same problem that arise, when a country is too peaceful and did not prepared any contigency plan to manage any unforeseen risk. When you have a comfort zone, you get too carried away in your comfort zone. Yes, being in a comfort zone is really heaven, but it is not a good environment mould you to be strong and resilient. I have heard of a story about this great general from China, who won many battles. The country is peaceful under his governance. The people think he enjoyed himself after the war. He will place a candy beside his bed and each time before he sleep, he will lick the candy, such pleasure of life to symbolise how sweet his life at the moment. The peacefulness didnt last long and the country was at war again. Many thought that they will lose this time because the general has not been preparing for war during the peaceful time and was enjoying themselves. However, to their surprise, the general was fully prepared and they manage to overcome the war. One officer went into the general room and tried licking the candy. Guess what? The candy is actually bitter. The officer later questioned the general about the candy, and the general told him, Although I am at peace and time is good, I never forgot the hardship I went through before this, and therefore, the bitter candy serves to remind me not get too carried away by the goodness I have now. As for myself, I know I got carried away when times were good, lacked the resilient and maturity. Is only when things get bitter, I start to wake up. I have been through that, experienced that. No, I am not going to repeat history again. Stay focus, stay awake, stay alert. I still have a dream to accomplished!

An hourglass

3.38pm- was busy rushing my work but was interrupted by a sudden urge to blog after my inspiration was triggered by a recent post. And also this post will be dedicated to a loyal fan who always complain no updates....so better blog it before i lose my inspiration to write :p

What do you do when you see your love ones unhappy?
I try to cheer him up...

How?
Maybe tell him a joke, bring him to his favourite restaurant, buy him a gift, sing him a song, do a lame action, cook him a meal, give him a hug, and do whatever I think I can to please him and make him smile...

-But I tried doing all of that. I saw him reciprocate my action with a smile. But I know he is just trying his best to please me. I can somehow sense he is still unhappy.
-No...he don't want me to hug him. In fact, he is been ignoring my call and messages. Even if he do, he just do want to talk much.
- He seems like a completely different person. I feel like a stranger. He shut me out from his life.
- He give excuses like I am tired. I have no mood. I am busy. He never done those before no matter how busy his days were last time.
- Every time we meet, I can sense he is making an effort to hide away his unhappiness. I just know something is not right.I feel a gap between us.
- He said he needs some time alone.

Anything happened to him recently?
Yeah...
-His dog just pass away.
-He failed his exam.
- He got fired from his job.
-He got into a great debt/ faced a great financial difficulties.
-His dream was shattered by an unforeseen event.
-His closest family member/friends just pass away.
-His parent found out he is gay and want to disown him.
-He is diagnosed with serious sickness/he got into accident and was immobilise.
-His family member is seriously sick and need a huge sum of money for medical expenses.

I saw him crying the other day. I have never seen him so sad in his entire life. He is always a jovial person you know?

I wanted to help him. I just wanted to cheer him up. I know I can't. Not unless I can help him to solve his current problem.

But how?

Why I'm so poor? If only I have the money that he needed so badly.
If only I can find a good doctor that will be able to treat him.
If only I have the abilitity to take away all his problem.
If only I am the one facing those problem instead of him.

Don't he know that I love him so much that I will always wish that nothing happened to him?
I rather be the one suffering instead of him.

But what I can do? I just sit here so helpless while knowing he needs a helping hand to get him out of his trouble...

I feel so useless.

And do you know? We have never really talk much for quite some time.

- I want to see him and be there with him but he keep avoiding me and said he do not want me to see him in his current situation.
- I do not know how to face him. I feel I am so useless. As his boyfriend, isn't it I should be the one to help him out. But is not that I do not want to, I do not know how.

Why real life is not same with what I watched in movies? In the movie, the actor/actress will somehow found a way to help his love ones and everything ended happily ever after. The knight in shining armor saving his damsel in distress....

How can I save my damsel in distress? Am I just going to sit here and watch her tortured by the evil witch?

Can someone please tell me what to do?

We argued. We quarrel. I was annoyed. I feel bad. I feel a tense between us. A gap. Misunderstanding. He said I do not understand him at all. Accusing that I am insensitive.

I tried doing something that make him feel bad instead. It got worse.

The worst thing happened I am striked with some problem myself too. I am afraid to tell him knowing he has been through enough himself.

Where are the happy days when we feel so happy by just seeing and looking at each other in the eyes? Where are the days when we laughed together at silly things we saw? Where are the days when we feel like we are the happiest couple on earth? Where are the days when we talk until the wee morning?

I really wish anything can be back to normal. I miss those days....

Have you experienced something like this before? Have you ever thought of something like this could happen before?

What do you do?

Do you know your loved ones never wish to see you unhappy?

Is true that when you are happy, everyone can share your happiness, but when you got into trouble, only you can feel the real pain....

What do you do? Continue to feel sorry for yourself? What can you do? Hide yourself away? Cry? Is ok to cry, but getting into depression?

Who knows what will happend tomorrow? You expect life to be a smooth ride? In everyone's life, at a point somehow, you will need to face a test that will either make you grow up or break you. You learn to grow stronger with every challenges you faced.

Your loved ones really wish to help you. But sometimes, there are certain things, only you can help yourself. And of course God. We only pray to the Almighty one to reduce the test we have to endure.

If you do not have faith that things will turn out better, no words of console or action can really help you.

Just remember, when you are suffering, your loved ones are going through with you too. Just think a while, what if it is you who are watching them suffering? Can you feel the helpless feeling they have?

When both of you first agreed to commit to one another, you know in time of good and bad, in time of wealth and poor, in time of happy and sorrow, both of you have agreed that you will go throught it together.

Is ok if you need sometime alone, but not till the extent of shutting off entirely. A listening ear is what I can offer you. A shoulder to cry on and a warm hug with a words of assurance that you are not alone after all. And in my entire effort, I will of course want to get you out from your situation.

But we are just human after all. Only the Almight one above know when will all this end. Till then we just need to keep our faith high and hope for things to turn out better.

I am not a genie to able to grant you every wish. I always wish I am, but I am not.

If you really love someone, do not shut them away. As far I am concern, this is usually the situation that bring a great tense into a relationship no matter is heterosexual or homosexual one. Especially married couples.

Both are together, it means the bond as a family. As a family, bad times are meant to be faced together. Wouldn't it be selfish that you want to go through everything yourself, leaving your partner feeling helpless and useless?

Talk together. Share together. Cry together. Pray together. When life tries to be funny to you, laugh at it together like how both laughed when saw funny things. Tell each other, tomorrow will be better, even if it don't, is not the end, we will go through it together till things get better.

A quote I remembered reading: "Life is like an hourglass, eventually everything will hit the bottom, till someone come and turn it around"

Everything will be good again, just stay put and never give up on your loved ones....

P/s: this post is not about me, it is written as an inspiration for anyone or maybe myself in the future if helpess situation like this happened in a relationship ;)

Easier said than done, but if given a good try, I believe it will somehow work!

Father

A Fish With A Smile

Another animation that has got a nice meaning behind it.



I woke up in the middle of the night,

I thought it was morning,

No, is not even twilight yet,

Usually it is just like any normal night,

But no, it is not, you appeared in my mind,

Why can't I see?

That this is not a dream?

Am I too numbed to even realise it?

What was I afraid of?

Losing someone again?

Seeing the person you love most becoming the stranger of your life?

This is real,

I am not dreaming,

I am awake now in my own dream,

If I ever go with the feeling,

I do not want to lose someone again,

If you really love somebody, you have to set if free?

Sorry,I did it once, but I do not want to do it again,

Have you ever unconciously felt the corner of your eyes were wet?

If I ever love you, can you don't leave me?

Because I can never really set you free...

Korea Watercolor Style Animation

This is a really beautiful piece of animation.

What do people live for? 人为什么要活着？

This is a very inspirational video.

Live life to the fullest, do not self-pity.

Everyone is worthy of doing something great for themselves, as long as we are still breathing.

Life is short, look back with no regret.

You may not be in a situation now where you wished could have been. But it does not mean that should stop you from doing accomplishing your own dream.

Stand up and do not look at what you are lacking, instead look around and see what you have, you still have a life, live it to the fullest.

At the end of the day, where we ended is entirely caused by our own choice.

No matter you are happy or sad, the clock still continue to tick every second, why choose to be sad?

Be happy and live a positve life no matter what your situation is right now. =)

CNY has ended

Time passed like a bullet train! If you did not board it on time, you will just see it pass by you and gone in a blink of eyes.

This CNY has definitely been one of the happiest one I ever had. Good food and great places to go through out the festive season.

After CNY, somehow everything will start getting serious and more into work. No more fooling around so much. Everyone is back to business. I am guilty of being extremely lazy through out the festive season ><

However, it is barely 2 months. I feel many things happened in such a short period. Good and bad. I am trying to keep track of my resolutions, it seems that it can be done, and I just need to put in the extra effort and serious discipline to accomplish them.

The most important thing, is I never expect Aphrodite has finally showered me with some of her blessing.

After so many years, I have basically given up hope. This feeling has become so numb that nothing seems to interest me anymore. I have just decided to shift my attention to other aspect of life since long ago. You know, when something is gone for so long, you can't really recall what it feels like.

As each day passed, I am just trying to gather back those feelings of having somebody in life. I am trying each day to get used to the idea. Somehow, the momentum will slowly build up again with each passing day.

When you consistently pushed your feelings away, you get an emotionless person. You know, you feel happy, but you cant really feel it inside, you feel touched, but you cant really feel it inside either. It is like trying to adjust those feelings again and tell yourself you should be feeling this way. I guess the heart has really been freezed for too long, is time it got exposed to some warmth.

Someone has told me once, that today will come. I just never believe it back then, because I never see it coming. But I think certain things happened when you least expect them.

I just tried hard to adopt a positive attitude towards life each day. Somehow, I think those positiveness has managed to attract something good.

It is true that what you think is what you get.

Great accompishment starts with a vision. Vision starts with a dream. Believe in what you dream.

The power of dream. =)

It is never too late to be who, where or how you should have been. But what matters is from this second onwards, you are determined to make a difference to your life. And that alone is moving mountain.

10 Random Facts About Me

As tagged by Calvin.

1. I know how to draw before I can write.
2. I never go oversea or board a plane before.
3. I cannot remember when was my last visit to the themepark and I never ride a roller coaster before.
4. I am afraid of heights and bees.
5. I love learning foreign languages. My dream is to be able speak 6 different languages at least. I aim to learn French, Thai, Korean, and Hokkien.
6. I am a very random person. If I saw any interesting, cute or nice thing that interest me, I will buy for myself or my friend(only people I am very closed with or like :p), therefore I do not believe I need an occasion to give people something. I believe good things in life should be shared.
7. I am a law-breaker. I do not like to follow rules :p I can't stand being under others supervision, therefore I really do not like the idea of being an employee.
8. I need a lot freedom. I believe in giving freedom to others. As long as it was used in a good and considerate manner.
9. If I have set my mind to get something, I will stop at nothing until I got it. I hate being challenged but like it at the same time because it makes me tougher after that. Usually the more you challenge me, the better I become. :p
10. I will be very quiet when I am not feeling well, tired and unhappy. If I am stress, I will do crazy things :-X I will be very sleepy when I am unhappy, because I need a restart button (sleep), when I wake up I will tend to forget about it. Hugging someone or holding someone's hand gives me more comfort than any word of console. xD

Who I want to tag:
Anyone who think they are free and would like to share more about themselves.

About You 2

Knowing you now but not knowing you well enough,

It is like knowing the surface meaning of a song but didn't really understand each word written in the lyric,

Liking you so much, but do not really have the courage to embrace the feeling,

It is similar to liking a song so much, but didn't really have the courage to sing it out loud,

Not knowing whether we are really meant to be together,

It is like not knowing whether the song and the singer are meant to be together,

Feeling happy whenever you are around,

It is like smiling to yourself whenever the radio played your favourite song.

Wanting this to last and not a casual or puppy love thing...

It is like trying hard not to memorise each word of the lyric but to be able sing it from the bottom of the heart, because you will never forget a song that has become part of your life, and it will never get out of trend even after many years.

Not wanting this feeling to be another scar again,

It is like not wanting a song that once bring smile to your face has now bring tears to your eyes whenever you heard it playing.

Are you really the song of my life? Am I really the one suitable to sing this song?

CNY Rabbit Paper Mache

I finally can post about this. =)

Just before the CNY, I made this CNY card. I was really lazy at first, I guess after not touching any arty work for so long, my skill just rust. However, I did made one for last Christmas. I have no idea at first how to do it and that explain the small size...LOL.

Making it definitely test my patience, well...part of my resolutions is to become patient, so I thought this will be the best way to test my patience.

In order to make it, I have recycled 3 CNY card, u know those ugly plain CNY card sent by companies. Luckily, their color is rich and outstanding, this helped save the cost for the material. I just need to get those paper that I do not have. I pretty much have all the material left behind from last time. There were so many art material left unused in my cupboard.

In the beginning, I do not know how I should do the layout. Then I don't know how to draw ><

I thought of forgetting it and throw away already...LOL

However, with some self-motivation and perservarance, I managed to draw and cut all the individual small piece to form the paper mache. And before I knew it, is completed. =D

After the cover was done, I am thinking what to do with the inside. I really have no idea. It took me quite a while and some trial and error to plan the inside. At first, I thought of a lion dance inside it. But the lion turned out so ugly, so remove everything. HAHAha

Luckily, last Christmas, I made something similar. So I decided I will just use the same concept. In the end, it look something better. But I have problem with the head. Due to CNY, I just leave it behind and much later I got inspiration on making the head. So glad! HAHA

Everything is completed and I am glad I finished it. Picture for final work is not available because I totally forgotten to take any picture ><

Happy Bunny Year, and sorry there is no tutorial on making it. LOL. But the card is totally made from recycled material, everything I managed to got from CNY, CNY Card, angpow, stickers, etc. So folks, don't throw away those unused CNY card next time, it can be recycled and made into something else.

RECYCLE, REUSE, REDUCE =)

Food Meme

1. Are you a good cook? I think I am a good cook, but not much chance to cook :P

2. What is your specialty? Fried rice.

3. What was the last meal you ate? Grand chinese dinner XD

4. Do you eat breakfast? Yes, unless I wake up late.

5. Name a food you dislike. Pure white tofu =( and anything bitter.

6. What is your favourite fast food restaurant? None...not a big fan of fastfood. But if really have to choose one, either Mcd or KFC.

7. Where do you like to eat with your friends? Anywhere will do, as long as I like the person I am eating with.

8. Burger or hot dog? Hotdog, always prefer hotdog :p

9. Are you a coffee or tea drinker? Tea, cannot take coffee.

10. If someone surprised you with a meal, what would please you most? Anything, as long as not Japanese or Vietnamese... XD, prefer if surprise me with yummy desssert. :p

Now tag 5 bloggers whom you want them to post about this meme too.
None. :p

Why the raven is like a writing desk?

Hi there readers, since I am disturbed from my sleep and it is quite late to do some serious work, might as well just blog. I found out I tend to write better when I am half awake because my mind tend to have deeper thoughts.



Have you ever asked your partner this question, "Why do you like me?"



I am so sure most of you would have asked that question before, and especially if you are a girl asking your boyfriend.



Answers I have heard include, because you are so arrogant =/, because you are cute, because you always make me laugh, because I can get along with you, because you are good in bed, because you are RICH, because you are HOT, HANDSOME, SEXY, because you are famous, because you can cook, because we shared the same interest, because you are kind, and the because just goes on....



However, I am sure some of you would have gotten this answer:



I don't know. I have no clue why do I love you. I just love you for who you are.



Awww...for me, that is really the most genuine answer. However, some people tend to dislike that kinda answer and perceive them as being insincere. They will start questioning like, "you mean there are nothing about me that you even like???"



Why must there be an answer to everthing?



Can someone please tell me what is the answer to famous riddle of Alice in the Wonderland, why the raven is like a writing desk? When Lewis Caroll included this riddle in the tale, everyone demanded for an answer. Everyone wants to know the answer and find it silly and stupid that Caroll has included a riddle that has got no answer.



Can you explain why the sun must rise from the east? Can you tell me who created God?



As far as human is curious and demand an explanation for everything, there are certain things that cannot be explained or rather left unknown.



Can someone please tell me why he must love that girl/boy who is so ugly, fat and unattractive? Isn't it I am ten times better than her/him?



I can tell you, it is just feeling. The proper word would be, chemistry. Or maybe if you believe in karma, both of you are lovers in past life or you owe that person something in your past life, and this time you are destinied to meet him/her to repay your debt or be with him/her again.



When I found out I fell in love with him, I cannot explain it either. I keep asking myself everyday the same question? Why do I like him? He is not cute, not handsome, not rich, not funny, and in fact he is so dull. But believe it or not, it is the feeling. When I first meet him, it is the feeling of extreme comfort I have, somehow my senses just tell me he is the one I would want to be with.



Some of you might have fallen in love with someone because that person is so spontaneous, for example he gives you a kiss on your cheek unexpected or just hug you from behind.



True love need no explanation. Love is blind. If love can be explained, it is not love, it is an exchange of benefit.



I am not saying there should not be any benefit you wish to obtain from that person, but if the benefit is your first motive, then how genuine are you in being in the relationship? You want a handsome boyfriend so that you feel proud and your friends will look at you in awe when you go out with him? You want your boyfriend that drive a big car? You want a boyfriend that can bring you go for fine dining every week?



Perfection does not exist. Nothing is perfect. If you have witnessed before, if your boyfriend can provides you with all the luxuries, he tend to be a playboy and less likely to be faithful to you. You are just one of his toys, at first he will shower you with all his attention, but when he found out that you no longer interest him, he will just dump you like a trash.



As for myself, I am very grateful when someone loves me because of my weakness. For example, I may be insensitive, bad temper and whatever bad characteristic you can think of, you still continued to love me. You never give up on me no matter how I broke your heart sometimes. Believe me, because of your genuine feeling and faith in me, I will incline to change my bad characteristic. This is because I think you really deserve something better. Everyone has a conscience in what they did. I know there are certain people who take advantage of others love and sacrifices for them, and they take it for granted. When people is being nice to you, it does not mean you truly deserve them, it is because they love you too much and you are definitely blessed! However, if you don't count your blessing, you will regret it when its too late. Remember the song, Back to December by Taylor Swift?



If you still love me despite when I told you the following:



I have nothing to offer you at the moment,

I am not the famous hunk everyone is chasing after,

I cannot be as funny as Mr Bean to make you laugh 24/7,

I do not have a big car to take you everywhere,

I am sorry that you may find me a bit of a bore,

I am unable bring you go holiday and luxury dining because I cannot afford it at the moment,

I am sorry you will have to bear with me because I have my parents to take care of,

I may lose my temper when I am stressed up,

I am sorry that I have to work hard and unable accompany you all the time,

I am sorry that I can't make you go ooo and ahhh on the bed,

I am a sucker in being romantic,

I do not have muscular pecs, abs, biceps, triceps, I am sorry that I am a bit out of shape,

and finally...



I am sorry because I cannot be the ideal knight in shining armor that you always fantasized...



But, if you still continued love me, I will make sure you are the luckiest person one day.

Do not look into the present, think of the future. I may not be who you would have wished me to be now, but as long as I am still breathing, I can still give you what you deserve.



When the day is sunny, I will never forget that you are the one who shelter me with your umbrella when I am drenched and soaked wet under the heavy rain once....

Why do I blog?

I realised I blogged to entertain myself.

Surprising is I never like reading what I have posted.

That is why I never click on those old posting myself either.

Because I felt so embarassed sometimes on what I have written.

I feel like laughing at myself.

Those past stupidity.

Those emotional feeling. Hmm, I do not think I can be so emotional these days. There is a moment when I find it difficult to post something, because I have nothing emotional to share anymore.

Some have claimed my blog to be entertaining in the past. Thank you. Yes, I need those funny stuff to keep me from feeling emotional. That is why I blogged about it.

When you have no place to rant, you can spill it all on your blog. I used to feel relieved after blogging all my unsatisfaction.

However, it do not work these days. That is because I no longer have to rely on blogging. I have people who I can turned to already. I feel so grateful. And they do not mind listening to my theories and crazy thoughts. I can be so philosphical sometimes. ><

The blog turned into your alter ego, it reminded me of Dorian Gray.

I blogged to improve my writing skills. I blogged to instill the reading habit in me. If I do not read, I will have nothing to share.

I blogged to have a portfolio on my artwork. I blogged to keep track on the interesting material I read from the internet. In another word, those material I stealed from the internet. OH NO! I AM GUILTY! LOL

I blogged so that I know at the end of the year, what have I done through out the year.
Through blogging, I made my first rainbow friend who is also my brother figure today. I do not have many rainbow friends, I think it does not even surpass five. Oh NO! I need more exposure to the rainbow world....

Rainbow or not rainbow, it is the friendship that matters. I never tried separating my rainbow and non rainbow friend. I see them as who they are, my friend.

I used to think rainbow people are the nicest and most sophisticated people and it has proven me wrong. I seriously have a culture shock when I met those guy from social website.
My brother figure once told me, if you want to meet genuine and honest rainbow folks, you can only find it in the rainbow bloggers. So far from observation, he has proved himself right. =)

Rainbow blogs are the only blog I read these days. I find them entertaining. Thanks to the growing number of rainbow blogs, I can have something to read each day. From the rant of their daily life, emotional thoughts, "naughty adventure", foods, movie review, songs, jokes, hunk review, toys review, love advice, wisdom thought and etc...it is definitely more than enough to keep me updated on many different things. =D

Random

I woke up today feeling like usual. However, I knew I have not really been happy these days. My mind has been thinking a lot. A recent event that happened further depressed me. However, I am not feeling emo. I am just worried. That's all.





As the afternoon is approaching, I just feel quite depress and today I have to eat lunch alone although the food is nice. I do not mind being alone, but as I mentioned, I am just thinking a lot. There are certain things I tried to ignore the thoughts, but I knew it will still come back until it is solved.





However, I managed to see this in one of the pet shop I entered. I was laughing when I first saw it. The puppy certainly knew how to enjoy himself. I knocked the glass hoping to wake him up and irritate him but he just continued sleeping and ignoring everybody passing by. He opened his leg wide apart and let the cool wind from the air conditioner blowing his private part. He slept with four legs up.





Wake up la...lazy puppy! Let me have a look at you. I want to see you make all the pity face hoping that someone will be interested in you. HAHAHAHA





However, your way of sleeping already enough to make me laugh. I was looking at you all the time and you still continued sleeping. *SWEAT*

Later, I saw something that made me laugh. I laughed because he look so funny. The poodle has got such funny hairsytle! I wonder why his owner want him to have such hairstyle. PITY HIM LAh!

I was feeling ok again, until I got home. My phone went crazy again. I have a hard time figuring out what to do with it. This leave me feeling so frustruated. However, shortly after that, I realised someone sent me something he promised. I actually forgotten about it already and I never thought that he will send it to me.

Before opening the file, I was laughing. However, I did not laughed at all when I am hearing it. That is because I find it quite unique. It sounded so rock and roll to me. I finally realised which song it was and I laughed. LOL...I laughed because it don't sound like him at all! I continued to let it play on my earphone. Is really not bad, or else I would have switched it off. HAHAHA

At least, I don't feel emo anymore. Can go to sleep already!

Thanks for sending it to me =D ...and I do not think I broke the promise...because I was not laughing when it was playing for the first time. *sincere*

Thank you!

Is the school haunted?

If you have read today newspaper, you would have read that a Form 3, malay girl tried to jump off the building at SMK Abu Bakar, Temerloh, Pahang.



The girl was reported to start screaming at 8.30am for no apparent reason and dashed out the corridor to the edge of the two-story building and pulled out several window panes and hurling them to the ground. She even took off her 'tudung' and threw it to the ground. What is even scarier was she cut herself and licked the oozing blood from her fingers while laughing hysterically.



The point of this post is to share what I have heard from my friend before. I remembered my friend told me about this school many years ago but I do not know if it is SMK Abu Bakar. It was also early in the morning and a malay girl started screaming hysterically. I do not remember what happened after that, but I remembered my friend told me the school was closed for many days after that. I suspected it was SMK Abu Bakar also because the newspaper has reported that there are several hysterical incident happened at the school before.



I read from a blog that the haunted incident at the school was due to dirtiness. You can refer "unclean" as in being occupied by poltergeist and demon, but the blog mentioned that the uncleaniness was due to the sanitary pad being flushed down the toilet and the school compound has got poor hygiene. The unhygienic environment attracted demon and poltergeist because those "thing" feed on bone, food waste and dirty things.



I never encounter any haunted experience in my school before.*thanks God*



However, I have heard an encounter during my camp at a university. I was sleeping soundly alone after the night activity because I was too tired. My roommate went out and saw the incident. He told me about it when I woke up. A malay girl was possessed. Her roommate ran out when they saw her facial expression changed and her skin and eye color changed. She had the demonic look and it was frightening. Luckily there was a religious teacher at the university and after some prayer and ritual, the girl recovered.



My question is, why it always happen in malay school and why it always happen to malay girl? Why is the demon so racist?



We are 1 Malaysia u know, cannot be so racist! ><

STOP THROWING SANITARY PAD DOWN HERE!!!

Could not detect a feed for this URL?

The below post is dedicated to Calvin.

Could not detect a feed for this URL? Add this URL anyway?

Does this sounds familiar to you? I'm sure you have been trying to add your new favourite blog to your blogroll,but you are unable to get update on their latest gossip or the latest hunk being featured.

Well, I am trying to add Strictly Gay to my blogroll for a long time. However, I am never able to get update on his latest post.

Feeling frustrated, I have googled for solutions and this is what I found.

You can change the url you are trying to add to this:

http://blogname.com/atom.xml
or
http://blogname.com/feeds/posts/default
you just have to add atom.xml and if won’t work add feeds/posts/default instead.
For example: just type http://strictlygay.blogspot.com/atom.xml and add to your blogroll.

It is that simple!
I am sure bloggers like Alexander the Gay and Bedtimes Story are experiencing this problem with their blog also. I am unable to detect updates from them.

If you know about this tips already, ignore it. However, if you do not know, I think it will be useful.

Credit are given to Techpehpot for the tips.

I feel confused

I realised the song keep playing in my head but I am unable to understand what the song is actually singing.

Is this because I never put in effort to find out the actual meaning of the song?

What if I found out the meaning, but realised that the song was not meant for me?

Will I be able to forget the song so easily?

I experienced rejection before, but it does not mean I have given up. My heart is still open to opportunites around me. However, I am just feeling cautious. I need guidance.

Thinking too much will not help, I will just do what I can and leave the rest to destiny.

Love can never be forced, it has to come naturally.

I am not in love. I am just thinking about you. I must be having a crush. =(

Memories Hold Better During Sleep

This post was inspired by an article taken from Star newspaper.

I do not know about how others remember what they have learned during the day but I certainly have my own way.

A findings reported that if you want to remember a newly learned theory or mathematics equation, taking a short nap after learning is a solution.

I found this to be quite true.

If I learned something during the day and I read it before going to sleep, I will recall those thing in my mind or even the words spoken by my lecturer echoing in my mind till I fell asleep. In addition to that, I will recall those event that has happened during the day.

When I wake up from sleep, I am able to recall those facts I have memorised or learned. If I do not remember them, I will refer to it again and after a few quick glance at the notes, I will be able remember them.

I tend to do this if I am studying last minute for an exam. However, it only works better if you have revised or at least glance through those facts before. This is because the nervous feeling during last minute will block your mind from thinking and recalling the facts.

Research has shown that fresh memories are stored temporarily in a region of the brain call the hippocampus.

Reactivation of those memories soon after learning plays a crucial role in their transfer to more permanent storage in the brain's "hard drive", the neocortex.

When you sleep, your mind is actually processing a lot information. This includes sending out signal to the cells for rejunevating and recovering any wounds or injuries.

Furthermore, if you have problems that you are unable to figure out during the day or you have difficulties recalling something, going to sleep will help you figure out the problems. I am speaking this from my personal experience.

Certain people claim to be more active during the night, but in actual fact, sleeping early is vital for one's health. Although you may feel active during the night but your body is not recovering process as it should and is damaging to your health. Your skin will feel dry and you will feel lethargic. Although you will have enough of sleep after you sleep late, for example you sleep at 5 am and you wake up at 4 pm, you will feel not active and dizzy when you wake up. Furthermore, some people will experience headache and loss of mood.

Conclusion, sleep early and wake up early. The early bird catches the worm. If you wake up early, you can do many things. You claim that you feel blurr in the morning? This is because you did not sleep early the night before. If you sleep early, your mind will be most active during the morning.
So learn to sleep early if possible. =)