Snippets of 2010

Gosh, as I was typing this I have only 20 minutes before the clock strike 12am and mark the beginning of 2011.

Therefore Im typing this in a jiffy.

For 2010, it wasn't a really great year, there is nothing much to scream about. I think is one of the year where I really have little achievement.

However, 2010 has proven to be a rather challenging year especially towards the month of September onwards.

January- College starts, I remember the first class everyone wore nicely. I have no idea how this sememester is gonna be. Little did I know that Im about to experience a challenging path ahead, I still being naive and think is gonna be easy.

February-Because Is CNY, therefore is really enjoying. Because this is the first time Im celebrating CNY with my college friends, and is the first time I have Yee Sang with my friends. Not to forget is also the first time so many friend visited my house during CNY. Conclusion, is the best CNY i ever have. GLEE!

I got a 3rd dog. LOL...a shih tzu
Gosh, i only left with 13 minutes. Cannot go month by month already > <

I bought a lot clothes, shoes, a new schoolbag, and pants! I know I am not going to college to become a fashionista, but I just could not help being vain *sweat*

I spent so much money on figures, I think is the first time in my life I have bought so many figures in such a short month. I think one day I am gonna snap pictures of every figure I have and post it here.

My first time going to Look Out Point, it was FUN!

I climbed Bukit Tabur again, but this time is with my college friends. Im still phobia of height!

I found my new interest, Taxation!

Aik, I hate finance! But I hate Performance Management even more! I am just so lousy in costing and budgeting, I guess Performance Management is just not my forte.

By April, I was so worried, Knowing Im not prepared and playing around too much, proceed to dropping one my papers, must eat humble pie already! It was a tough decision though.

May is a month of hectic, stress and tension!!

Oops, I remembered, I register for the first time on a Gay Social Network, Axcest.

Enjoyed the attention I got and the email. But I was so worried about exam, focus on exam and only Exam. Ignoring those guys asking me to meet up, I am just not interested and do not have the mood at that moment.

Exam finish in June, mark the end of 2nd semester. Yahoo...is holiday.

And I waste my whole holiday away doing nothing, I guess I always have post exam depression, but instead I spent again so much $$ on buying figures . Yaik!

First time received a parcel by mail. I was so anxious and happy when the parcel arrived because it contains the figure Im looking for.

July, college starts again, the 3rd semester. Aiyo, I was really in blue and procrastinating all the way.

August- Result for 2nd semester is out, Im so shocked when I saw the result. I scored such high marks for Performance Management, higher than all my other papers, beating Taxation. I could not believe my eyes. What kinda world is this? But I still havent grow to like Performance Management.

Did not revise, did not study. My first time getting 7/100 for my exam paper. How embarassing =(

Still think life is easy and continue to play and daydream.

Yahoo, I finally get to meet Jo and Cal Im so glad =D

I attended the my first and also the first Toy Fair in Malaysia. It was held in Mid Valley. However, I felt it still need a lot improvement.

September- This is the first time I did not get any birthday present for Alex's already. I know I have moved on completely. He has chosen his path and I have let go of him. I realised just how much time I have wasted and wrong decision I have made because I cannot let go before this. Ever since I have learned to moved on, life has become so different, everything seems cheerful again, and I am starting to live a new life.

Ooops, did I mentioned I have my first sexual experience. It was nothing much though, no penetration, nothing. I realised I don't enjoy it even a bit. I feel more like a zombie. ONS is certainly not my cup of tea.

After September, life gets really tough.

October-I realise if I dont start getting serious I will not survive this semester and might end up failing all papers.

Serious mood come in , I totally become another person.

Shut myself away from the internet, friends. Only STUDY!!!

I become so tense, lose so much weight. Not a single happy day. In the midst of having to revise those I have previously missed, I have to cope with new thing that I have to learn everyday. Every lecturer is rushing to finish the syllabus. To add salt to the wound, experience some family problems, quarrels.

I really thought I am gonna break, I thought this will be the end of me after all the hard work I have put in previous semester. I thought I am never gonna be able make it. But I did not give up at all. I just keep having faith and tell myself to STAY FOCUS, STAY AWAKE. Convincing myself is still not too late.

I suddenly realised I LIKE FINANCE! I like Audit even more!

Found my new favourite lecturer, Mr M that never fails to inspire me. He always try to sound professional but ended up being really funny. His jokes are usually sarcastic but is really so funny, it was the only lecturer that makes me looking forward to attend his class each time. His jokes also help me to remember the lecture, making my study life easier. I look forward to be taught by him again.

Things gone bad, I did not get to sit for my final exam because some confusion in the registration process. I have to seek the Executive Director for help. It was a 50/50 chance then. I have to keep begging him for help. I was so worried that I cannot study anymore. I knew if I am not able to do my exam this sitting, I have do it again next semester and is gonna be so challenging. Furthermore, I will be separated from my group of friends. I cannot let that happen.

I remembered this quote which I saw before.

Worry keeps you busy but takes you no where.

I know if I were to keep worrying, I am not doing anything, and if the problem is solved in the end, I will still fail my papers because I did not study. I forced myself to to forget about the problem and continue studying. I just pray and continue to have faith.

I felt I have grown more mature during these few months. I have learned to think differently.

In the midst of those difficult moment, I have got closer to a gal classmate of mine,R, she has helped me a lot. Both of us trying to give word of encouragement to help each other, it was the thing that keep me sane and drive me to continue working hard. She is really a nice friend and I always like her tease her for being a bit 'kiasu'! She has also taught me to organise my notes in a systematic way, introducing me to filing, using color tags and multiple color of highlighters! But she is a great friend. She is attached though :P

In the end, I was told that I can sit for the exam. I was so happy beyond words. Everyone become so serious towards November. The revision class is intense, everyone is practicing past year question, everyone is focus, everyone is working hard. I continued to work hard too. We will survive is the motto!

I was anticipating for Christmas during November, but towards the end of November I just lost the Christmas mood, I just don't feel is Christmas. My mind is only focus on the coming exam. I really want to do well, this is the most critical semester which determine which class I will get for my honours.

8 December- First paper, and I just do it with the faith in me.

14 December- Hooray! Finally exam has ended although I found the last paper to be quite tough. Im free at last!

Watch my first movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, ever since my last movie 3 months ago, Piranha. Piranha is awesome but Harry Potter nearly make me fell asleep.

My first time buying the entire original set of a TVB series, No Regret a sequel to Rosy Business. Promised myself to watch it after exam. Finish watching it within 4days, really awesome series.

First time spent my Christmas in Church after many years. I know Im guilty for not going chuch on Christmas. But at least I made an effort this year. However, I still do not feel is Xmas, I just don't have the Christmas spirit in me this year.

My first time having a nice walk in the morning with my grandma. We have a nice breakfast and she brought me for sight seeing in Old Town. I felt like I was a kid again, just like when I was a 5 years old. It was memorable.

Spent my time watching Dvd at home, catching up on those movie I have missed previously. I did not really dare to go out with friends because I am on a tight budget. I need save money for next year.

However I enjoyed the holiday though is short.

I knew I did not achieved anything remarkable for 2010 as I did not make any serious resolutions either at the beginning of the year. However, I am looking forward to 2011 and I believe is gonna be better than 2010.

Before I end my last post for 2010, I would like to share a song that have changed me and helped to picked myself back up again. It was the song that tell me I should not give up. Is ok if you have made a mistake, but we must not give up on ourselves, is still not too late to be who you should have been, what matters is now you are serious about making a change to your life, and that alone is moving mountain.



Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought Id never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didnt know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didnt know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didnt know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought Id never find my way
I thought Id never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didnt know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didnt know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didnt know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how Id get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didnt know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didnt know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didnt know my own strength

Another song that has changed my life when I was a kid. A motivator came to my school and share with us. I heard it again when I was buying some stuff one day.

Fikirkan Boleh. It means Think You Can in Bahasa Melayu.



I am not built to break! I am going to work hard and continue achieve my dream. I wish everyone have a great start in 2011. Happy New Year!

Why poseability is so important...

Before buying any figure, i always need consider its poseability first, the reason is so I can do something like this...so cool !!

I want this!

I want this ...so cool to me...but i think i wont dare to display or show it to my friend...LOL

But they should make it even more detail especially the bottom part *sigh*

http://www.aussie-nintendo.com/forum/blog.php?b=787

The sexiest poseable figure!

What is normal?

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”– Ellen Goodman (Journalist)
This is so true and got me thinking about it....

Sunshine Ahead

I told myself that I have to write down something today. I just have something to share. I just feel so light and happy the whole day. I don't know why. I was feeling half dead just the day before but today it just feels good. Maybe having a last conversation with you helps...nah, is definitely wont be the last but I am not sure too it will really be.
But what I want say today is, I am so happy to hear that my aunt is finally going to start a happy relationship soon. I am happy for her, she has been through a few failed ones, and it has bring her down a lot. She just didnt expect this one to come and did not hope much either, but I think God has His way for her and just when least she expected it, a guy came along and I think this guy will be pretty much worthy of her love.
This is the month of July. Just 5days ago, mark the end of the Cancer month for this year. I can remember clearly what happened during this period of Cancer month for last year.
Last month Cancer, it was a turning point for me. It mark a new chapter of life for me. I wasn't convince at all at first. The lady who I seek for advice, she told me, stop feeling worry, stop feeling sad, stop missing what you had in the past, changes is coming ahead, see this piece of card?? Is a sunshine. It shows that the rain is going to stop, the sun is going to shine again, and when it shine and you will find yourself enjoying the brightness of it.
Well, but I know that I have to make a big move in life in order to achieve that changes, if you want to see changes, change has to start from within. I gather all my gut to tell what I have always been wanting to tell Alex for 5 years, though I just blurted it out blindly but at least I know I have confess my feelings.
Telling you and letting you know that you should pursue the person you love, the girl you have always love because the opportunity is just so clearly laying down in front of you and in the end seeing that you really did and both of you finally started. When you first told me that you have started the relationship with Y, I wasn't sad. But I didnt feel happy either. Instead, I told him that he must be a good bf and take good care of her. Later on, when I sit down alone, the sadness really sink in, I feel so alone. Later when I finally saw you holding her hand, my heart just shattered to pieces, but I know this is what best for you and I must be happy for you. I told myself I must and finally I did.
God is kind to me all these while. Because suddenly I start to have many great new friends coming in to my life, and before I realised it I have moved on from the previous phase.
I guess I have changed a lot from last year. I have become a much happier person, that explained why I have never updated this post for so long, I still remember I deleted the few last post from this blog, those were the last words I have for you and I just don't want to be reminded of it again, even now I am afraid to go back to my previous archieve and read my old post.
I slowly accept that I need find someone new in my life. I need open my heart. But I have matured as well, I know how to differentiate what is love and what is friendship. I know how to handle disapppointment.
But I really still desparately looking for someone to love again. I need someone I can love with all my heart again. But the feeling just not right.
Then I saw you, among so many guys, I just choose to ignore them, but don't know why the moment I saw you, I just feel different. I trust my instinct a lot, there are people when I first saw them, I just can feel is different. When I said different is not because that person is exceptionally good looking or is very charismatic, it just trigger the sense of familiarity in me. Maybe this what the chinese call as 'yuan' 缘.
But I was really afraid inside. I was seeking after I moved on from Alex but I have actually stop seeking. In fact, I wasnt even interested in knowing any guy. Having my few nice friends with me is good enough. I can be myself being with them.
But you come along. I feel different when I saw you. I feel like as though you are going to be the one. But I guess I am just to naive.
Till now, I am still not sure you are what I imagined you to be. I don't really get the opportunity to know you yet also. At first I just thought of ignoring you for good, but part of me tell myself to give it a chance. Is the month of Cancer again, maybe this will change my life again?
Yes, it really did. But I am not sure it has bring good or bad changes. I am not sure I have feelings for you. But I am sure I have liked you, and in fact I never realised that I will miss you. But I don't know if you ever feel anything for me at all from the beginning. So far, your words has still keep me confident that you are who I believe you should be in the first place.
I have decided to put you aside already. I cannot afford to indulge in a emotional roller coaster again. Not at this stage of life, I know I am going to accomplish what I want for myself. I am not going to screw it up. I will just let God decide and show the way, if this is for me then I will get it, if is not, I should just move on. Just like what happened to my aunt.
But one thing I am really sure, if you ever give me a chance, to know you, to understand you, I can grow my feelings, the seed is already planted in me, I just need some water and sunshine to let it grow. This seed can grow into something beautiful with lots of love in it.
Surprisingly, as I was typing this post, I dont feel emotional like how I used to feel when I type out my feelings last time for Alex. I have changed, I learn to stay positive. I learn to have hope and even if it did not turn out fine, I will not be shattered. My heart still remain open.
I always know there are a lot of good things waiting for me out there, I need take good care of myself and work to achieve it.
I am going to be a happy person =)