Below is an animation I really like. Enjoy :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A dog named "Sex"
name ur dog carefully...
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy."
I call mine "Sex."Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I'd like to have one too."Then I said, "You don't understand.I've had Sex since I was nine years old."He said, "You must have been quite a kid!"
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.I said, "
But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole worldrevolves around Sex."He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace.My family is barred from the church from then on.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon,I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex.
He said, "Every room in the place is for sex."I said, "You don't understand.Sex keeps me awake at night."The clerk said, "Me too."One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me that I should have sold tickets."But you don't understand,"I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V."He called me a show-off.When my wife and I separated,we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The judge said, "Me too."Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me.He said, "Me too."Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him.
A cop came over and asked"What are you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?"I said, "I'm looking for Sex."My case comes up Friday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and hadmore damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.Why just the other day when I went for my firstsession with the psychiatrist,she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now ithas left me forever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely,"and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
Woof!
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy."
I call mine "Sex."Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I'd like to have one too."Then I said, "You don't understand.I've had Sex since I was nine years old."He said, "You must have been quite a kid!"
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.I said, "
But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole worldrevolves around Sex."He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace.My family is barred from the church from then on.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon,I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex.
He said, "Every room in the place is for sex."I said, "You don't understand.Sex keeps me awake at night."The clerk said, "Me too."One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away.Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me that I should have sold tickets."But you don't understand,"I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V."He called me a show-off.When my wife and I separated,we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."
The judge said, "Me too."Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me.He said, "Me too."Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him.
A cop came over and asked"What are you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?"I said, "I'm looking for Sex."My case comes up Friday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and hadmore damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.Why just the other day when I went for my firstsession with the psychiatrist,she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now ithas left me forever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely,"and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
Woof!
Hilarious conversation
Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have your tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!"
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ONE every morning!
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied: "MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have your tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!"
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ONE every morning!
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied: "MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
Teach your children to say the right thing XD
1st Scene.
Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room,right in front of their
little son.
Daddy : Oh!!! You Bitch!
Mommy : What?? You Bastard!
Son : Daddy, Mommy, what's Bitch and Bastard??
At this moment, Daddy blushes. He quickly thinks up of something.
Daddy : It means Ladies and Gentlemen son.
Son : Oh I see!
2nd Scene...
Little Son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there they
mentioned the words 'breasts' and 'penises'.
Mommy was reading the papers.
Son : Mommy, what's breasts and penises?
At this moment, mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something to say.
Mom: It means coats and hats, son.
Son : Oh I see!
3rd Scene...
Daddy was shaving his beard and son passed by; the toilet. Suddenly daddy
cut himself and scream...
Daddy : Oh SHIT!!
Son : Daddy, what's shit?
At this moment, Daddy eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something to
say..
Daddy : It means shaving cream, son.
Son : Oh I see!!
4th Scene..
Christmas is approaching, and mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove.
The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said...
Mommy : Oh! Fuck!
Son : Mommy, what's fuck?
At this moment, Mommy froze.
She quickly thought of something to say.
Mommy : It means stuffing, son
Son : Oh I see!!
5th Scene...
It's Chrismas Eve! Little son exuberantly opened the door to let all that
is uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house.
Proudly he said... "Welcome in, Bastards and Bitches! Please put all your
breasts and penises at that corner of the house ! My parent are busy at the
moment. You see; Daddy is putting shit on his face upstairs
and mummy is fucking the turkey in the kitchen. Don't worry they will come
out in a minute!!
Everyone fainted!!!!!!!!!!
Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room,right in front of their
little son.
Daddy : Oh!!! You Bitch!
Mommy : What?? You Bastard!
Son : Daddy, Mommy, what's Bitch and Bastard??
At this moment, Daddy blushes. He quickly thinks up of something.
Daddy : It means Ladies and Gentlemen son.
Son : Oh I see!
2nd Scene...
Little Son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there they
mentioned the words 'breasts' and 'penises'.
Mommy was reading the papers.
Son : Mommy, what's breasts and penises?
At this moment, mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something to say.
Mom: It means coats and hats, son.
Son : Oh I see!
3rd Scene...
Daddy was shaving his beard and son passed by; the toilet. Suddenly daddy
cut himself and scream...
Daddy : Oh SHIT!!
Son : Daddy, what's shit?
At this moment, Daddy eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something to
say..
Daddy : It means shaving cream, son.
Son : Oh I see!!
4th Scene..
Christmas is approaching, and mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove.
The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said...
Mommy : Oh! Fuck!
Son : Mommy, what's fuck?
At this moment, Mommy froze.
She quickly thought of something to say.
Mommy : It means stuffing, son
Son : Oh I see!!
5th Scene...
It's Chrismas Eve! Little son exuberantly opened the door to let all that
is uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house.
Proudly he said... "Welcome in, Bastards and Bitches! Please put all your
breasts and penises at that corner of the house ! My parent are busy at the
moment. You see; Daddy is putting shit on his face upstairs
and mummy is fucking the turkey in the kitchen. Don't worry they will come
out in a minute!!
Everyone fainted!!!!!!!!!!
Funny Application Form
Funny Application Form
Why the boss fainted when see the form filled by the interviewee ?
Name : Ah Boy
Age : Still young
Sex : Never. Still under age
Religion : I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race : I love to race, how you know?
Nationality : I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
IC Number : 6735
Telephone number : House no telephone
Hand phone number : 3310
Address : Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode : I never post anything
State : In my family, I am 2nd
Country : I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status : Secret
Email Address : Hotmail
Education Background : My teacher said not bad
Working experience : Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name : Daddy
Father's IC : You ask him
Mother's name : Mummy
Mother's IC : You ask her
Current Salary : Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary : As much as you can pay
When can start work : Depends on my mood
Highest qualification : Ya, very high
Grade : Ya, very high
College/University : College
Signature : Can I use chop?
Why the boss fainted when see the form filled by the interviewee ?
Name : Ah Boy
Age : Still young
Sex : Never. Still under age
Religion : I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before
Race : I love to race, how you know?
Nationality : I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo
IC Number : 6735
Telephone number : House no telephone
Hand phone number : 3310
Address : Penang Jelutong
City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode : I never post anything
State : In my family, I am 2nd
Country : I love to travel to Canada
Marriage status : Secret
Email Address : Hotmail
Education Background : My teacher said not bad
Working experience : Last time got sell pirated VCD
Father's name : Daddy
Father's IC : You ask him
Mother's name : Mummy
Mother's IC : You ask her
Current Salary : Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary : As much as you can pay
When can start work : Depends on my mood
Highest qualification : Ya, very high
Grade : Ya, very high
College/University : College
Signature : Can I use chop?
Random jokes :)
Joke 1
Wife - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hubby - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
Joke 2
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog.
Joke 3
Two lawyers were planning to go to Batu Ferringi for their 12th anniversary. The lady told her husband that she has to finish her case and would come down in a week. The husband said ok and left for Batu Ferringi.
It had been a week and the husband was going to email his wife to make sure she was still coming. He forgot her email address and put down what he remembered.
An old woman was sitting in her rocker crying because her husband had died 1 week ago and the computer said you've got mail, so she clicked on it and she fell to the floor dead. The house keeper ran in and found the woman dead. She didn't see why the woman died, but she looked on the computer screen and this is what it said "I have been down here for about a week now and it's really hot down here. I have been waiting for you. Come soon!
Love you lots,
Your husband"
Joke 4
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I thin k I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Joke 5
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye!"
"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Joke 6
Dad....
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, John.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Joke 7
Ah Soh married Ah Leng with a son Ah Zai. So father and son Ah Soh Zai. Ah Leng has been suffering hearing problem since young but the bond of love between the two couple is so strong that Ah Soh has decided to married her even though she is suffering slight disability.
They are a happy family until one day...
Ah Soh was not back home and it was already passed midnight. Ah Leng was very worried and was anxiously waiting for Ah Soh for home. Ah Leng called Ah Zai to phone his dad. Ah Zai obediently phone his dad.
"So what did dad say??!! Is he coming home??!" ask Ah Leng impatiently after Ah Zai has made the phone call. " Dono leh, A Girl answered the phone.." Replied Ah Zai while rubbing his head...
"WHAT!, YOU SURE OR NOT...CALL AGAIN!!"
" errr....ok"
(After putting down the phone...)
"so how...so how...what he says??!!""
"Same leh, the same girl answered the phone."
"Fine.....DON'T CALL HIM ALREADY, I DO NOT CARE HIM ANYMORE" said Ah Leng furiously. ( went to bed)
Next morning, Ah Soh finally reached home....
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!! DO YOU STILL LOVE ME??!!" shouted Ah Leng while tears stream down her cheek
"Of course darling i love you so much! I was working...sorry i did not inform you because my phone ran out of battery " explained Ah Soh
" LIAR!! Stop giving feeble excuses..WHY AH ZAI PHONED YOU 3 TIMES AND WAS ANSWERED BY A GIRL!??! could you explain that?? YOU SLEPT WITH A GIRL?? YOU DO NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? "
"hmm??.....err......i was alone, im sure of it, I will never lie to you, trust me" Ah Soh unable to explained and he was telling the truth.
who was the girl??? It was the mobile operator service provider....
Wife - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hubby - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
Joke 2
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog.
Joke 3
Two lawyers were planning to go to Batu Ferringi for their 12th anniversary. The lady told her husband that she has to finish her case and would come down in a week. The husband said ok and left for Batu Ferringi.
It had been a week and the husband was going to email his wife to make sure she was still coming. He forgot her email address and put down what he remembered.
An old woman was sitting in her rocker crying because her husband had died 1 week ago and the computer said you've got mail, so she clicked on it and she fell to the floor dead. The house keeper ran in and found the woman dead. She didn't see why the woman died, but she looked on the computer screen and this is what it said "I have been down here for about a week now and it's really hot down here. I have been waiting for you. Come soon!
Love you lots,
Your husband"
Joke 4
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I thin k I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Joke 5
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye!"
"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Joke 6
Dad....
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, John.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Joke 7
Ah Soh married Ah Leng with a son Ah Zai. So father and son Ah Soh Zai. Ah Leng has been suffering hearing problem since young but the bond of love between the two couple is so strong that Ah Soh has decided to married her even though she is suffering slight disability.
They are a happy family until one day...
Ah Soh was not back home and it was already passed midnight. Ah Leng was very worried and was anxiously waiting for Ah Soh for home. Ah Leng called Ah Zai to phone his dad. Ah Zai obediently phone his dad.
"So what did dad say??!! Is he coming home??!" ask Ah Leng impatiently after Ah Zai has made the phone call. " Dono leh, A Girl answered the phone.." Replied Ah Zai while rubbing his head...
"WHAT!, YOU SURE OR NOT...CALL AGAIN!!"
" errr....ok"
(After putting down the phone...)
"so how...so how...what he says??!!""
"Same leh, the same girl answered the phone."
"Fine.....DON'T CALL HIM ALREADY, I DO NOT CARE HIM ANYMORE" said Ah Leng furiously. ( went to bed)
Next morning, Ah Soh finally reached home....
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!! DO YOU STILL LOVE ME??!!" shouted Ah Leng while tears stream down her cheek
"Of course darling i love you so much! I was working...sorry i did not inform you because my phone ran out of battery " explained Ah Soh
" LIAR!! Stop giving feeble excuses..WHY AH ZAI PHONED YOU 3 TIMES AND WAS ANSWERED BY A GIRL!??! could you explain that?? YOU SLEPT WITH A GIRL?? YOU DO NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? "
"hmm??.....err......i was alone, im sure of it, I will never lie to you, trust me" Ah Soh unable to explained and he was telling the truth.
who was the girl??? It was the mobile operator service provider....
Monday, July 6, 2009
A reminder for H1N1-very funny XD
So..remember to take care of your hygiene not only during this time, but all the time!!
ps: can anyone tell me please, those gals dancing in the video are guy rite?? i am not wrong rite?
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