Random jokes :)

Joke 1

Wife - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
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Hubby - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

Joke 2

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.

After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog.

Joke 3

Two lawyers were planning to go to Batu Ferringi for their 12th anniversary. The lady told her husband that she has to finish her case and would come down in a week. The husband said ok and left for Batu Ferringi.


It had been a week and the husband was going to email his wife to make sure she was still coming. He forgot her email address and put down what he remembered.

An old woman was sitting in her rocker crying because her husband had died 1 week ago and the computer said you've got mail, so she clicked on it and she fell to the floor dead. The house keeper ran in and found the woman dead. She didn't see why the woman died, but she looked on the computer screen and this is what it said "I have been down here for about a week now and it's really hot down here. I have been waiting for you. Come soon!

Love you lots,
Your husband"

Joke 4

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I thin k I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Joke 5



The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"


Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye!"

"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

Joke 6

Dad....
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Joke 7
Ah Soh married Ah Leng with a son Ah Zai. So father and son Ah Soh Zai. Ah Leng has been suffering hearing problem since young but the bond of love between the two couple is so strong that Ah Soh has decided to married her even though she is suffering slight disability.

They are a happy family until one day...

Ah Soh was not back home and it was already passed midnight. Ah Leng was very worried and was anxiously waiting for Ah Soh for home. Ah Leng called Ah Zai to phone his dad. Ah Zai obediently phone his dad.

"So what did dad say??!! Is he coming home??!" ask Ah Leng impatiently after Ah Zai has made the phone call. " Dono leh, A Girl answered the phone.." Replied Ah Zai while rubbing his head...

"WHAT!, YOU SURE OR NOT...CALL AGAIN!!"

" errr....ok"

(After putting down the phone...)

"so how...so how...what he says??!!""

"Same leh, the same girl answered the phone."

"Fine.....DON'T CALL HIM ALREADY, I DO NOT CARE HIM ANYMORE" said Ah Leng furiously. ( went to bed)

Next morning, Ah Soh finally reached home....

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!! DO YOU STILL LOVE ME??!!" shouted Ah Leng while tears stream down her cheek

"Of course darling i love you so much! I was working...sorry i did not inform you because my phone ran out of battery " explained Ah Soh

" LIAR!! Stop giving feeble excuses..WHY AH ZAI PHONED YOU 3 TIMES AND WAS ANSWERED BY A GIRL!??! could you explain that?? YOU SLEPT WITH A GIRL?? YOU DO NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE? "

"hmm??.....err......i was alone, im sure of it, I will never lie to you, trust me" Ah Soh unable to explained and he was telling the truth.





who was the girl??? It was the mobile operator service provider....