I am cold, I am crapping.......

Tadaa... Another stupid and worthless entry, I wonder why I even post it.

Grrr..., it is so cold! I am feeling so cold. I don’t know what is wrong with me these days. I just feel cold day and night. Is it because of the weather? My legs feel icy. I am shaking. I know some how it is not because of the weather, it is fear. It is fear that makes me feel cold. Whenever I am scare I will feel cold. I still remember when I was primary 1, I will have this sudden feel of coldness around me whenever my bus is about to reach my house. My heart beat faster. I felt scared. Why am I scared to go home? May be I have done naughty things in school, that is why. Right now, these days I feel cold, I feel numb. I hate feeling cold. I don’t mind feeling hot, but I just can’t stand cold, I will tremble, I will start to have stomachache. What am I feeling actually? Why do I have to be scare? What am I scare of? I really feel scare, scare of the future. Scare of growing up, scare of becoming an adult. I just wish that I will remain a kid forever. What am I crapping here? I really do not know what will become of me. Sometimes when I watched movies, I always reflect it on myself. What if I turned up to become the useless fella in the movie? Will I become like the successful person in the movie? Have I done enough? No, I have not, why am I still like that? Lazy, dumb, slow and immature. I hate watching movies. I hate watching dramas. I hate ghost stories and horror movies. I hate this, I hate that. Come on, I want to be normal, to live life normally. I want to be break free from this phase, this phase which I am unable to break free from for so long. And now I also feel like I am confuse between the virtual and reality. I really want to live my life feeling bright and happy at all times. I don’t want to feel so conscious about myself always, please. And also what happened when you never know how to love yourself? I want to stop feeling cold right now, I hate feeling cold, although I love to drink cold drinks and hate water heater. What is wrong, what I am feeling is not even real, stupid. STUPID. >.<