22 August 2013: A decade of friendship and achievement

The day has finally came...Today is the day where we have made a promise 10 years ago. It all started when we were in Form 1 and attending classes. I challenged him on something which he so confidently said he will win and the prize is a treat to a grand meal if he lose. Haha...he lose in the end. Being a 13 years old, how can he afford to treat me for a grand meal and I am not willing to settle for anything less. We made a promise that 10 years later, we would have achieve success and he will be able to fulfill his promise. In a blink of eyes, 10 years have passed. It reminded me about those movies you watched which always fast forward to a decade later. How things have changed over a decade and we started to ponder how much we have achieved. There are some dreams which have came true and some dreams which have been crashed. Life did not turned out exactly like how I imagined it to be 10 years back. I never even imagine this is who I am today. Although I cannot said I am truly happy with my achievement today, I am glad I have at least changed and found all I needed to. Love. 10 years ago, I was still not aware on the possibility of boy falling in love with boys. I realised who I truly was along the way. It was painful but I did not regret and I have already accepted myself for who I am. Along the way, I know what is it like to love someone but letting it go. I know how to be selfless and knowing that loving someone does not necessary mean you need to tie them down with you. I have learned to be happy to see the person you loved is happy. It is a great lesson learned. I have learned not to take things for granted. If you find someone who really cared and love you, do not take it for granted. If you cannot find the dream guy/girl, be that person you are looking for. I have done it and I was truly happy with my love life now. Sometimes you will find it happier to give than to receive. Most importantly, I have found the true love of my life and the person I can look forward to spend my life with :) It was great knowing that the person you once loved is still your best friend. That was about my love life. I am truly happy with what I have achieved. Friendship. I have met many people who have walked in and out of my life and some have made an impact and changed who I am. I realised you find a great friend when you least expected it. It is always how things work, not only friendship and love. Although I realised most of the people who have helped me along the way are mostly girls, I managed to find a guy who have also helped me in many ways. It was still memorable how I met him and I have thanks blogspot :) Blogging does helped you meet great people. I really wonder if it still works today. I really want to express my gratitude to you, my brother figure and helped to bring me out of my misery and depression. You never failed to be ear to listen. You have also changed in many ways and you are much happier today. You know who you are :) Family. One thing I regreted is that my relationship with my parent did not changed much. I remembered fearing my mom a lot when I was a kid. She still have this aura with her today. I did not have a close bonding with my dad due to the fact he is always not around and we cannot really communicate with each other. I loved my parents but I think they might not be able to see it. I still feel sad that my mom never realised that since my childhood till now, she has not been the encouraging and guidance of my life. I only feel grateful that I learned a great deal of respect and responsibility due to her strict and demanding teaching. There were many tears shed because of her. I became stronger because of her. In the attempt to proof her wrong, I have outdone myself. She still have great doubts on me, but I knew I have proven her wrong in many aspect and I knew that. I know she will not accept me for being gay. I still think she only start loving me after I have became a smarter and can contribute more to the family. It is a regret that my family is the last person I would want to turn to if I have troubles. Because I know I cannot fail in front of them. I will be looked down and be reminded of my failure. I really hope this can change. Dreams/Career. I regreted that I did not follow my heart. What I was doing today is totally not what I imagined 10 years ago. I was an aspiring guy who wanted to build a name for myself in the creative industry. It has always been my passion and I have always dreamed about it. I regreted that I let go of my dream because I was blinded by unrequited love. Never play mind games. If you are in doubt whether your crush loves you, just confront them and get an answer. I wasted many years doing things that I should not be doing because I was hoping I can get near him. This has taken a great toll on me. I was blinded by the fear of failure. Due to my upbringing that failure is not ok, my road has always been the safetest. I have taken the road most taken and let go of my dreams. I do not have the courage. I was afraid of being judged. Although I have excelled academically and got a stable job, there was no sense of achivement and satisfaction. I was working hard everday to pay the bills. I still have a dream and I am still hanging on to it. I give myself another decade to achieve it. Listen to your heart and be determined to do it.

No title

Since is Christmas, I thought I will be posting about something happy,

I even count my days to the happy days ahead,

I dont know how and what should I feel,

as much as i try to tell myself not to think about it and stay positve,

each time i close my eyes, it just come into my mind,

I cant even sleep despite only having 3 hours of sleep,

Why do I have to see it so narrowly?

I wish I could just get over it,

I wish even more you have not mention about it before,

I guess is because I really look forward to it really badly,

Staying patient and working hard,

I thought I could finally deserve a sweet treat,

A least something that motivates me before starting off a new year,

A completely new year facing the working life,

Which I still feel so mentally unprepared for it because I know the kinda pressure I am going to face daily,

I just want that motivation,

I really look forward to doing this with you,

I am not the usually so pestering type,

I have always learn to accept that sometimes thing do not go my way,

But I really want this so badly,

I couldnt accept still the reason why it didnt work out,

You may wonder that I could still proceed the plan with someone else,

Is not about doing it, is about this little wish and dream of mine,

It will just not be the same without you,

Maybe I felt this way is because I have been depress recently,

I feel so deprived of you,

I miss those times when you are around,

I thought I finally could have some solid and quality moment with you,

I just want to be away from this stress, some happy moment with you,

Why it just have to turn out this way?

I really feel so emotional and depress,

I dont know how to get out of it,

I am really trying hard, hence the consistent pestering despite you already tell me the answer.

Why do it always have to end up with disappoinment?

If this instant, someone can tell me what I could do to make it happen,

I would have really go all the way to do it, really..I really meant it,

I just want you around without any rush, without the constant need to check the time, and worry about receiving phone calls...

T_T

Christmas!

Finally the year is about to come to an end...

Reminisicing what I was doing last year around this time, I couldn't believe a year has passed since then. I remembered I was busy catching the TVB "No Regret" drama series and hoping for a better year ahead. No worries, no expectation and just the same wish.

For me, I love Christmas the most among all the festive season as I felt is the most magical festive season, the lights, the songs and the theme just make the festive felt so warm and merry. In order to make myself happy, I will buy a Christmas present for myself, because I never get what I want for Christmas and I never blame anyone for that! Moreover, Christmas usually come after my final exam and I think I deserve a reward for the hardwork during exam. Furtermore, I would have no holidays to go. How Christmas unfold every year just seems like a routine to me, the same old place for Christmas eve dinner, same food, same kinda expectation, same environment, same people, same present and on Christmas day itself, I sometimes even forget is actually Christmas!

That is because I still continue wishing for the same thing every Christmas, to spend a White Christmas with my special someone, underneath the falling snow and wishing each other a "Merry Christmas" when the clock strikes twelve followed by a warm hug...

Moving on from single to being attached, I thought Christmas is really going to be so different this year, I was imaginning it from the beginning of the year until the year end, I really thought my Christmas wish is goin to come true...

I guess I have not been a good boy afterall, I admit Im not really a good boy this year, Santa Claus just cannot grant my Christmas wish.


Dear Santa,

I no longer wish for a toy. Neither do I need anything fancy or expensive. If there is one thing you want fit into that Christmas sock, I wish is a...

Ticket.

A ticket that allow me to spend Christmas with Him, My special someone, a kiss and a warm hug underneath the falling snow. Ok, snow is optional~!

Nevertheless, it will always be my Christmas wish every year till it ever come true...and if it ever come true, I wish I can have it every year...

That is all I want for Christmas.

But as I once said, the simplest wish always tend not to come true...

I guess I just have to continue wishing harder and perhaps be a good boy next year. Hopefully Santa will grant my wish...

A place of solace

Is been so long since I ever felt like this ...I really don't know how to handle it ...but I just can't control it ...seems like this place no longer allows me to write freely...I just can't get out of it...I feel like breaking down T_T

When someone loves you

it is not easy for two souls to met and love each other. Some people met and fell in love but later it gets sour because both of them do not share the same view about love. Sometimes you compare with other couples or your perception about love, you may feel your partner does not love the way you expect him to love. Actually not everyone is born with the capabilty to love someone so much. Due to differences in their upbringing and cultures, different people share different view about love. Some people engage in a relationship because they are afraid of being lonely, they need someone to call bf, or maybe someone to satisfy their sexual needs. The joyous moment of being in a relationship especially when the relationship just started and evrything seems so lovey davey. Maybe sometimes certain people even allow themselves to create a delusional feelings that their partner love them so much just because of some sweetalks and some affection showered on them that no other person has done for them so far.

Perhaps the biggest mistake some people did when being in a relationship was to compromise too much and too engross with the sweet talking and the intimate moment both of you shared. You failed to question the issue that arise in a relationship for fear of losing that someone and not knowing whether that person will like it or not.

Everyone has different perception on how to love someone. Thus, it is really your luck who you met with. Certain people just like to flirt , some dislike someone who is too clingy , some prefer you to go Dutch when goin out for a date, some prefer to be given more freedom to hang out with their friends , some prefer to put their career first in their lives. For some people, a relationship simply means a companion to fill up their lonely moment. Some people really do not think is a big issue and can be cool about it and still claim their partner loves them as long as they know he still show affection. However , it will be unhappy thing for you and may even lead to constant argument if you do not share the same view as them.

You know when someone really love you :
1)When there is no way, he will still manage to find a way just for you.
2) he is more concern about how you felt rather than how he felt.
3) he rather sacrifice his sleeping time just to stay up to chat with you before goin to bed because he was so busy the whole day.
4) he knows even if he cant call you , he can still text you to ask about your whereabouts although he is so busy, to send and type a SMS doesn't take you more than 2 minutes!
5) he rather you are happy than him because he felt even happier when he knows he has made you happy
6) he rather reduce his own expenses just to save enough for you and for him.
7) he remember all the tiny details about you
8) when he made an effort to remember your phone number without you telling him
9) you are never too troublesome for him
10) he loves it when you tell him your problems because that is the time he knows he can do something for you who he claimed to
Love so much
11) he still loves you although you hurt him so much
12) he no longer show interest in anyone except you
13) he made an effort to know your friends

14) he include you as part of his dream and aspiration in life
15) he still think you are gorgeous when you just woke up from sleep or have a big
Pimple on your nose!

The list continues but those are the examples that how to know someone mean it when they said they loves you.

It takes two person to make a relationship work and to last. Action speaks louder than words and sweetalking and promises means nothing if there is no tangible proof of them. However , not everyone is perfect and some is willing to listen and communicate with each other what is their need and expectation in a relationship.

If you want a relationship to last , find someone who share the same view on love as you or someone who is willing to change for the better because he values the relationship too much.

Im so grateful I found someone who has done that for me, lucky to have you darling!!
15) he is angry when

Compass

Waking up feeling zombified these days,

I felt like there is no sense of direction in my daily life,

I am really losing interest in what I am doing,

But despite it all, I have finally come to the last stage,

It is really not the time to give up but rather finishing it and end it once and for all,

Is really difficult to be outstanding in something you have no passion and no interest,

Trying each time to convince yourself again and again,

Im amazed how I manage to pull through each stage when my other peers even failed to pass,

What is next after this?

How am I going to endure for the continuing future doing this thing?

I really tried setting up my mind to like what Im doing, but it just wont register into my head,

I really has taken one wrong step in my life,

How silly is it, because of my desire to chase after something that I couldnt get in the past,

I ended up here, is not a bad place, in fact it offers a bright opportunity,

But if only I have met the right person and having someone to guide me, I knew I would have end up somewhere better

But I am just completely not good at it,

Despite all these, I found something that I like, and it became my only focus object,

You can't blame me, is after all what I have been looking for so long,

I felt so insecure recently, no clear sense of direction, is like I just followed where the wind blowed me,

I just hope there is someone to show me the way or at least tell me what to do,

I really want to have a clearer direction of my own life,

At the moment , I would just need to endure what I am doing until I found the opportunity,

Just needed someone guide me sometimes and motivating me,

Glad that I still have this blog to rant out everything I wanted to,

At least I felt some relief.

If only I have a compass that can lead me....

Fiction became reality?

Waking up with a bright smile,
No feeling of wanting to go back to sleep although is just slightly after dawn,
The anticipation is better than the kickboost from caffein,
Imagining how each plan of ours for the day unfold,
All I wanted now is to quickly meet you and start our adventure,
Leaving everything behind,
Knowing we have lots of time,
But each second that passed will be savoured,
Happy times tend to accelerate,
Finally after those tiring period,
I can hold your hand for the longest period of time,
No deadline, no exams, no work, no challenge,
Where missing you became kissing you,
A holiday worth remembering,
Will this fiction ever became a reality?

Confusion

Sometimes I am confused of my own feeling,
Am I clingy or worried?
Worried? What is there to be worried about?
Do I care too much?
Do I tried too hard?
Am I overprotective?
Am I causing myself too much stress?
I have lots other important thing to care about which I am neglecting,
Is not I purposely choose to do that, I just cannot concentrate,
Not knowing what is happening, I cannot sleep, I cannot stay calm,
And knowing I could reach you and know about your whereabout easily,
But I do not know If I am doing the right things, interogating so much,
I know I do not need worry about you and you will be just fine,
But I cannot bring myself to do that,
And when I chose to ignore that feeling, there is a possibility something might go wrong and it has proven right from the incident happened not so long ago,
No...is just impossible that I will not feel worry about you if I know you are somewhere out there for such long period of time,
I am worried because you matter too much ,
I am worried because I could not bare knowing something happened to you,
I am worried because I love you too much,
And I'm glad I finally reached you before ending this post,
I just want know you are safe and sound,
I'm relief that you are ;)
p/s: No wonder i keep having white hair, u r one of the main contributor! >

Theme Park? Fun Fair?

Hearing the voice of excitement from people screaming, the familiar looping music from the machines, the beeping sound and laughter from passerby...

The smell of the freshly popped popcorn and the sight of colorful candies and candy floss,

The glimmering colorful light from the graceful ferris-wheel, the sight of roller-coaster, pirate ship, haunted house, the game booth where people trying their luck so hard to get a doll which they can most probably afford to buy them in a store....

I feel like visiting a funfair or theme park, I can safely said is close to a decade since I last been to one. I remembered when I was a kid, is a norm to see fun fair being set up near your housing area. These days, I don't even see any. Maybe people have found other source of entertainment that made the fun fair business not worth embarking.

I somehow prefer the sight of those rides and machines at night, it appear more magical and plus you do not need worry about blazing hot sun.

Having no one to accompany me on those trips with parents to Genting Highlands, I feel like an adult even as a kid. I never have any keen feeling to go for any ride. The very fact that I am not allowed to go and no one to accompany me has made me keep those excitement beneath me. As time goes by, I have accepted that is ok I never get a chance to ride on those machines.

Sometimes I have this idea of maybe going alone one day and tried out all the ride, moreover my uni is just right next to a theme park!!

But I know being me I will most probably abandon the whole idea, few years back maybe I still enjoyed going alone, but these days I will never want visit those kinda places alone, I would never even consider watching a movie in a cinema alone.

If I ever go to a theme park again, I would want try to ride the roller coaster, but I do not know whether I will like it or not also.

And besides fun fair and theme park, something else I also missed is going for a circus!

But now I think circus encouraged animal cruelty, still is nice to watch those performance ...

Those were the times...

Reminiscence...

Half a year has gone

Should have written this post last month but due to procrastination it was delayed until now, July is coming to an end as well...

I'm really grateful that in this past six months nothing bad has happened but only good memories. Although my life has not became very colorful, it is certainly very different as compared to before meeting him...

A quick recap on what happened in last six months:

1) Done and submitted my thesis.
2) Found a bf. ( Long long story...)
3) First time knock someone's car ><
4) Climbed Broga hill.
5) Failed all my progress test and mock exam, did not study consistently but work very hard before finals and now praying that I will pass the two papers. I just need a pass ><
6) Came out to "Alex" again and finally bridged the friendship that was broken.
7) Owned an Iphone 4 :)
8) Get to know more friends from the rainbow world.
9) First time getting a summon!
10) Been sexually active. :) im no longer dry...hahahaha

In conclusion, this past six months, is mainly about how life is different being in a relationship. That will be for another post. But I have to say, is the sweetest six months I had and is still continuing happily. Although I am still the dull and boring me, but I am no longer lonely! In fact, there is two less lonely people in this world jor...hahahaha

That is all for now. ;)

100 Facts about me- Part 1

This post is dedicated to Mr Forest ;)





1.I am currently in a relationship :)


2.I am having my first serious relationship.


3.I am still a v-i-r-g-i-n. Oooops...LOL. Waiting for someone to change that fact :-x


4.I used to hate guys. LOL


5.I never thought of liking someone younger before. LOL


6.I like seeking attention from the one I love :p and is actually very clingy :-x


7.I am a morning person.


8.I am afraid of height.


9. I can't swim. Trying to change that fact.


10. I am very impatient. Trying to change that fact.


11.I used to like sleeping on the floor but not anymore. I can't sleep without a bed now.


12.My least favourite vege is brinjal unless it is fried ;)


13.I don't eat beef because I pity cow. But I love lamb...LOL :p


14.I have never board an airplane and a ship before.


15.I have never ride a roller coaster before.


16.I never been to oversea before and my furthest is Perak.


17.I can't speak English until standard 4.


18.I used to be very scare of dogs and never dare to touch them.


19.I feel like sleeping if I am down with troubles.


20.I am a very curious person and can go till great extend to satisfy my curiousity ;p


21.I never ride a motorbike before :(


22.I used to be afraid of the supernatural(ghost to be exact) until I got immune to them.


23.My least favourite colour is pink.


24.It is very easy to make me laugh but very difficult to make me cry.


25.When I was a kid, I love looking at the clouds and imagining them as monsters and dragons fighting in the air. Till today I still enjoy looking at the clouds. ;)


26.When I was a kid, I hate Bah Kut Teh the most; but today, it has became my favourite xD


27.I am a big kid and never like serious and mature stuff. But I have got no choice, I need to grow up in order to cope with life. But no matter how difficult is life, it does not kill the kid in me :p


28.I love anything that has to do with robots, monsters, dragons, magical or things that I can assemble ;) I seldom like cute stuff actually...LOL


29.I hate gardening and plants usually end up dying if being taken care by me. haha


30.I enjoy seafood more than meat. I must have fish everyday if possible.


31.I like any vegetables that is leafy but my favourite vegetable is ladies finger.


32.Having money won't make me happy, is what I can do with the money that make me happy.


33.I cannot sit or stand quietly. I don't like staying at home unless I am tired.


34.The thing I never like receiving for birthday is mug or cup. Lucky I only received once. That is because I only feel comfortable using my current mug.


35.I never like the idea of giving or receiving undergarment as Birthday or Christmas gift either. Is ok if I get it on normal days.


36.I buy clothes because I need to look good and not because I enjoy buying them. I will get headache each time I need to shop for clothes. It will be really great to have someone with good taste helping me to choose and decide for me.But must have good taste because I am very picky :p


37.I am no longer sensitive to coffee. ;)


38.I have got short term memory loss.


39.I am a very touchy feely person and need body or skin contact all the time. But only from my partner!


40.I need a lot freedom and is the thing I am always fighting for.


41. I love travelling but never had the chance to indulge in it because is too costly.


42. I need enough money and will feel insecure if I don't.


43.Is difficult for me to get along with someone who is very stingy. There is a diffrence between spending wise and being stingy.


44.I don't like to talk after eating a full meal. LOL


45.I enjoy going cinema. I enjoy watching movies and do not mind any movie as long as it is not the draggy type.



46.I don't really talk much unless I need to. Therefore, I can be quite a quiet person and is ok not talking at all. Therefore, I need to find someone I feel comfortable being silent. I found it :)


47.I may appear unfriendly and that is because I am shy.


48.I am force to memorise the whole multiple table up to 12*12 at the age of 6.


49.Im a big fan of Transformers.

50. I don't remember when I last wrote whatever I am writing in this post! *GOSH* >

How much is the right amount?

I am new.
I am inexperience.
I have a traditional mindset.
I do not want to appear like very annoying or what the chinese would have call it, "fan"(烦).
Over-controlling or maybe over protective. Sometimes maybe is my fault. I do not understand that my partner is not a girl.
Or maybe I do not understand the other person.
This post was originally long. But I have deleted them. Sometimes I think I even need to choose my words.
I have no idea why things have to be so formal. I tried opening up to you sometimes, but no matter how much assurance you gave me that is ok for me to be open to you, I still remain very concious. Is as though I have a good image to protect. Don't you notice you just proven is not so ok to seek others for help?
Sometimes I just lost track. I think I am doing the right thing for doing this and that, but I never ask if is really what you want. I may think what I did is the right thing, but you may see it as maybe too much, over controlling or maybe over protective.
Or you would have think, "C'mon, I am not a kid ok?"
This post was originally very long, but I just do not want make you uncomfortable by writing too much of unneccessary thing.
So, I will just stick to the main point.
You just need tell me what is your need. I totally respect that. I believe everyone need is different. I may have think I am giving you what I think you need, but to you is actually not what you really need. And at the end of the day, you are basically still deprived of what you need.
I am not doing anything for you to satisfy my personal ego. I do it because I cared. There are things I am incapable of doing sometimes, but each little thing I think I can do it, I have done what I could in my ability to do it.
Maybe you should tell me what are the right thing to do. Sorry, I have not been someone's boyfriend before. There are many do's and don't I am not aware of.
I do not want to be doing the unneccessary thing all the time whilst missing those that I should have done.
I am not here just to utter I love you everyday for fun. I believe in action. What I can do for you, is how I can show I cared and love you.
I believed we are here to help each other progress in life. There are certainly more than just being romantic.
Last but not least, all I have done is just because I cared, but I may have been excessive sometimes, I do not know.
You just need tell me what you need. I admit I need direct clue from you. Don't beat around the bush.
p/s: this post is not well written, I just do not know how to put it in right words. But the main emphasis is, maybe you should tell me what is your definition of a boyfriend. I will always respect your need. Believe me.

End of year is coming!

Ever since I started uni life, I have 2 new year in one year :O
In fact, my school is having Christmas celebration this May! Early Christmas... =.="
But we cannot help it, June and December is like end of the year for us. When May creeps in, is the season of tense and pressure. Everyone has got no mood for jokes anymore. But still, we will go for movies and birthday celebration to keep a balance to the stressful month.
It is in fact the time of the year where everyone need lots of encouragement and motivation. Hair pulling and kiasu-ism is a common sight during this period.
As for me, time passed really fast as usual, studying my course is like riding a bullet train, time just slip pass you without notice.
I have to gladly report a zero wastage of day this year. ;)
Everyday was utilised and there is no time for mind wandering or entertaining the Mr Moody in me.
But is indeed really time to be really serious and focus.
Fight fight fight fight! Just hope everything will remain smooth as it is until finals is over.
Definitely looking forward to the semester break after finals!

i've been working hard so long

seems like pain has been my only friend

my fragile heart's been done so wrong

i wondered if i'd ever heal again

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

yesterday has come and gone

and i've learn how to leave it where it is

and i see that i was wrong

for ever doubting i could win

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

life's to short to have regrets

so i'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

only have one life to live

so you better make the best of it

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

today my life begins...

My life begins this year in fact... ;) Definitely won't give up so easily till it gets better!

Short term memory lost or premature-Alzheimeir?

Today is really a weird day.

It was suppose to be a great day, but I do not know which part of my brain went wrong.

I was at dear's place until 8pm when I needed go home already. So quickly left and when I stepped out of his house,something striked my mind.

I forgot to take my bag.

However, I decided to just forget about it as I needed to rush home and I knew there was nothing important in the bag. I can just take it tomorrow.

Dear called when I just drove out of his house, informing that I forgot to take my bag, but I told him I will just take it next time since there was nothing important.

I never know that decision will be the beginning of my trouble for the day. >< When I reached home, as usual I will take my key and open the gate. As usual, the key will be in my pocket or in the car. Ei...where is my key?? Find both the pocket and all over the car still cannot find my key. I was blanked for a moment. Only then I realised...OMG!! I left it in the bag!!! Still unable to accept the truth, I continued ransacking the car and my pocket hoping to find the key. I was trying hard to think what I should be doing at that point. Staring at the gate but unable to open it. Telling my mom that I forgot to bring home the key and asking her to open the door is certainly a death option. I am going to be skin alive if she know I lost my key ><

At that point, I was panicking. I know the key must be a dear's place. But I cannot be too sure. But I know it cannot be anywhere else. I have not went anywhere today. So, quickly call dear but no one pick up the phone. Called again and again, no one pick up the phone T____T Why when you are in panic, everything just went wrong? I am not sure if he is showering. So I decieded instead of wasting time making phone calls that no one will answer, I just accelerate and head to dear's place.

While driving half way, dear called me and I quickly told him to look for my key inside the bag. True enough, the key was inside the bag. Ok, at least I know my key is safe. But knowing that I need to go through the heavy traffic after the bad rain just to get a key and knowing I should be home now just make me feel so hopeless. All I can do is just to stop thinking about it and focus on driving. When I reached dear's place, I called him to take the bag out. I was waiting in the car and wondering why he took so long to come out. You see, when you are rushing, everything seems very slow to you. When he finally come out, I nearly laughed. He is walking so happily carrying my bag on his shoulder. He gave me my bag and I asked if he had his dinner. Before waving goodbye, he give me a flying kiss. And after saying goodbye, he stand outside the car and start drawing two heart with an arrow on the condensed car window glass. I laughed...I am happy, but I was rushing too >< So quickly rush home while glancing at the drawing on the window whenever the car slow down. Silly boy! LOL Finally reached home. Feed my dog. Then want to throw rubbish already, when dear called me and informing me that he need to go to sleep already. Wished him goodnight and I continued packing the rubbish. When I need to open the door, I realised my key is missing again!! ><" But this time I just use my mom's key. After got home, I need go dinner but still haven't found my key. I know is inside the house, maybe I misplaced it somewhere. I decided to find the key after dinner.

After dinner...

Start to look for the key in my room. Searched everywhere for it, in my bag, on my bed, on the table, on the floor...I cannot find it!! T___T Start to panic again, find in the kitchen and all over the house but still cannot find it. Why is my key running from me today? T___T I stand for a while and start recalling what I have done when I got home. Maybe I accidentally throw the key away with the rubbish! :O Quickly go find the rubbish and start searching, still cannot find it. I was so hopeless, where has my key gone??? I know is in the house but I cannot find it. Search again high and low at every corner of the house. The possible place is only kitchen and my room. Room don't have. Look really hard in the kitchen, still cannot find!!! T___T Finally, I saw the waste basket in the kitchen and my mind just tell me to look inside the basket.

At first I cannot find anything, but I suddenly saw something very familiar...My precious KEY!!!! HOW ON EARTH IT ENDED UP IN THE WASTE BASKET??? I know that I must have unconciously throwed the key away into the waste basket. T___T

Finally after I found my key, I changed my clothes in my room when I saw RM 10 notes in the envelope on my table. How come got money geh??? I quickly look into the envelope and found RM 20 inside there. Then I feel in my pocket and there is RM 10 notes in the pocket. Ha??!! Since when I put money in the envelope???

Ok...this is not the first time such thing happened, there are many times when I really cannot remember that I have done something. For example, I locked the door before going out. When I was half way already, I suddenly cannot remember if I have locked the door, and being unable recall it, I quickly go home again and to find that the door is indeed locked. T___T There are also sometimes when I misplaced my spectacle and I have to look all over for it! Sometimes when I am taking down notes, I do not realised that I am writing the same thing twice!!

The chinese would have call this: Zi gei hak zi gei ( scare yourself)

Usually such incident happened when I am running on auto-pilot. My mind is thinking of other thing but my hand and body is working on another thing. This resulted in me not knowing what I have done >< I do not know why, my mind just keep running 24/7 unless I am asleep. Even when I am talking to someone, my mind could be thinking of something else.

Think too much...should really stop thinking and day dreaming. ARGHH!! ><

What do you think?

Meme, as got tagged by Calvin.

1. What is in your mind right now?
Thinking of what to do tomorrow, how to finish revising and prepare for presentation @.@

2. Who is your role model?
No specific one, I get new role model all the time, observe people around me and pick up the good traits that I think worth following, or anyone with strong character and will to succeed, is impressing :p

3. What is your biggest fear?
Spend my life without love, being alone and being poor.

4. What talent do you wish to have? (No magical stuff)
To speak in any language and able sing :p

5. What is the one thing you want to change about yourself?
Cannot be only one, there are a lot I want improve on myself >< from physical to personality.

6. Who is your fictional hero?
Doraemon :p

7. Was your course of study during college/university a choice of your passion or a demand from your parents?
Neither.

8. Which item you cannot live without: handphone or computer?
Handphone

9. What is your dream job?
Movie director/ Successful entrepreneur.

10. Would you pose nude in a series of photographs for a million dollar? (Note: Currency is one million in your own country's value)
yes, why not? Million dollar for ur photo? I must be so gorgeous to worth that much xD

Who I want tag:

Alex (Lil tidbits of life)

Flowers in the Attic

A seed was hidden underneath layer of dust,

Let alone in the dark closet,

Every second anticipating to be found.

Xtra odinary touch of love breathed life into me,

I was a dormant seed from a withered plant,

Most cared for once upon a time,

I lived again because you watered me,

Sprouting my first shoots,

Saplings started sprouting more leaves ,

Your faith and love,

Often the sunshine nurturing me,

Until I became dependent,

Sometimes deprived of sunshine,

Only to realise I yellowed and leaves were shed,

Much sunshine I will need, even minutes of ray will do,

Until I became a tree,

Coping with growth in this attic,

Hoping to bloom flowers one day as an appreciation for the life you breathed.

The Boy Next Door

A very meaningful short film in its own way.

Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

p/s: no matter is good day, bad day, tiring day, hectic day, moody day, hyper day, horny day, cold day, warm day....YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A REASON FOR A SMILING DAY. HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME, SMILE EVERYDAY NO MATTER HOW YOUR DAY TURNED OUT TODAY =)

Aimless day

An aimless day, with no iniative to wake up early,

An aimless day, with plan to follow but no motivation to get it done,

An aimless day, with no idea of what today is all about,

An aimless day, with cakes and coffee for breakfast but ended up having only cakes,

An aimless day, knowing the coffee will spill but still being ignorant,

An aimless day, ended up with no coffee but a mess to clean,

An aimless day, with cakes that tasted different and ended up coughing it out,

An aimless day, with things to do but ended up sleeping,

An aimless day, with the usual routine but is seems more routined today,

An aimless day, with no concentration despite piles of work yet to be done,

An aimless day, drifting around with the flow of the wind,

An aimless day, is a wasted day,

An aimless day leading to aimless post of not even knowing how to end this post.

Do you experience your aimless day?

An aimless day, because my bow and arrow were ready but the target was no where to be seen.

What goes around comes around

Being much younger back then, there was not much consideration in me for others. I do not really care about others and how my action will affect them.

I expect others to please my need all the time, and if they failed, they will face some nastiness from me. Despite that, they still cared for me, in which I am truly blessed.

I have seen someone enduring all the nastiness from me and still continued caring for me. It has made me wonder, why is that person so stupid?

Well, is because that person loved you.

It made me realised how immature I am and I slowly begin to change over the years.

The trait is still in me, but I know better now and think twice before acting on my inconsideration.

As the saying said, "What goes around comes around"

You never realised how you affected others until it affected you. Once a while, I got those treatment from others, exactly the same with how I behaved back then, it hurts and definitely do not understand why you are being treated that way.

But I cannot blame them, I was not a perfect person myself.

Do not unto others, what you do not wish to be done unto you.