22 August 2013: A decade of friendship and achievement

The day has finally came...Today is the day where we have made a promise 10 years ago. It all started when we were in Form 1 and attending classes. I challenged him on something which he so confidently said he will win and the prize is a treat to a grand meal if he lose. Haha...he lose in the end. Being a 13 years old, how can he afford to treat me for a grand meal and I am not willing to settle for anything less. We made a promise that 10 years later, we would have achieve success and he will be able to fulfill his promise. In a blink of eyes, 10 years have passed. It reminded me about those movies you watched which always fast forward to a decade later. How things have changed over a decade and we started to ponder how much we have achieved. There are some dreams which have came true and some dreams which have been crashed. Life did not turned out exactly like how I imagined it to be 10 years back. I never even imagine this is who I am today. Although I cannot said I am truly happy with my achievement today, I am glad I have at least changed and found all I needed to. Love. 10 years ago, I was still not aware on the possibility of boy falling in love with boys. I realised who I truly was along the way. It was painful but I did not regret and I have already accepted myself for who I am. Along the way, I know what is it like to love someone but letting it go. I know how to be selfless and knowing that loving someone does not necessary mean you need to tie them down with you. I have learned to be happy to see the person you loved is happy. It is a great lesson learned. I have learned not to take things for granted. If you find someone who really cared and love you, do not take it for granted. If you cannot find the dream guy/girl, be that person you are looking for. I have done it and I was truly happy with my love life now. Sometimes you will find it happier to give than to receive. Most importantly, I have found the true love of my life and the person I can look forward to spend my life with :) It was great knowing that the person you once loved is still your best friend. That was about my love life. I am truly happy with what I have achieved. Friendship. I have met many people who have walked in and out of my life and some have made an impact and changed who I am. I realised you find a great friend when you least expected it. It is always how things work, not only friendship and love. Although I realised most of the people who have helped me along the way are mostly girls, I managed to find a guy who have also helped me in many ways. It was still memorable how I met him and I have thanks blogspot :) Blogging does helped you meet great people. I really wonder if it still works today. I really want to express my gratitude to you, my brother figure and helped to bring me out of my misery and depression. You never failed to be ear to listen. You have also changed in many ways and you are much happier today. You know who you are :) Family. One thing I regreted is that my relationship with my parent did not changed much. I remembered fearing my mom a lot when I was a kid. She still have this aura with her today. I did not have a close bonding with my dad due to the fact he is always not around and we cannot really communicate with each other. I loved my parents but I think they might not be able to see it. I still feel sad that my mom never realised that since my childhood till now, she has not been the encouraging and guidance of my life. I only feel grateful that I learned a great deal of respect and responsibility due to her strict and demanding teaching. There were many tears shed because of her. I became stronger because of her. In the attempt to proof her wrong, I have outdone myself. She still have great doubts on me, but I knew I have proven her wrong in many aspect and I knew that. I know she will not accept me for being gay. I still think she only start loving me after I have became a smarter and can contribute more to the family. It is a regret that my family is the last person I would want to turn to if I have troubles. Because I know I cannot fail in front of them. I will be looked down and be reminded of my failure. I really hope this can change. Dreams/Career. I regreted that I did not follow my heart. What I was doing today is totally not what I imagined 10 years ago. I was an aspiring guy who wanted to build a name for myself in the creative industry. It has always been my passion and I have always dreamed about it. I regreted that I let go of my dream because I was blinded by unrequited love. Never play mind games. If you are in doubt whether your crush loves you, just confront them and get an answer. I wasted many years doing things that I should not be doing because I was hoping I can get near him. This has taken a great toll on me. I was blinded by the fear of failure. Due to my upbringing that failure is not ok, my road has always been the safetest. I have taken the road most taken and let go of my dreams. I do not have the courage. I was afraid of being judged. Although I have excelled academically and got a stable job, there was no sense of achivement and satisfaction. I was working hard everday to pay the bills. I still have a dream and I am still hanging on to it. I give myself another decade to achieve it. Listen to your heart and be determined to do it.