On the brink of showing the true colors...

Few days back , I was talking to my aunt when all of a sudden the topic of gay guy come up again. Actually we talk a lot about gay related stuff because she once had a crush on a guy who happened to be GAY!! And I always advice her a lot on gay topic, i tell her everything she don't know or misunderstood about gay. She always tease me if I am gay because she notice I don't have a girlfriend till now and not that there is no girl who like me. I always did not tell her straight forward that I am not gay, I just keep quiet and make a lot ee..ahhh...and just jokingly say dont know and finally say of coz i am not gay. So what makes me nearly reveal everything to her is the following...
Aunt: U know...I once had a lesbian friend and she really looks a guy and very cool looking, I was dancing with her in the club , when my heart suddenly beat very fast and I realise that I have fell in love with her, I was so scare at that time and quickly go home. Luckily the feeling go away the next day...thanks God!
Kenny: *Laugh* *keep quiet*
Very quiet for a long time and my heart was beating fast and indecisive...
Kenny:*very softly* err...can I share with you something?
Aunt: HA?! What are you saying ? Can you please speak louder?
Kenny: Nothing la...
Aunt: THERE IS SOMETHING..WHAT IS IT??
Kenny:*isk,should i continue?* Can I share something with you? Does it ever come across your mind why I know and understand so much about gay?
Aunt: Because you like to read ma...
Kenny: Ya la.,.even if i like to read, why I go and read those gay related stuff...I mean normal guy dont do that right??
Aunt:*speechless and look at me in disbelieve* OMG, dont tell me you are...
Kenny:huh?
Aunt: Wait...do you know that when told me that just now my heart stop beating for 2 seconds? Ok, let me catch a breath, Okay, i am a very open minded person...
Kenny: Actually I have a similar experience to yours, but unlike you, the feelings did not go away..
Aunt: OMG! you have to tell me!!
* is very noisy around because we are in a christmas party and ready to leave the party anytime...*
Kenny: Is a very long story and I cannot tell now...
Aunt: is ok...tell now...there are still time...
* We have to leave coz my grandparents is leaving*
Aunt: Stay a little bit longer...
*Everyone insist on going home*
Before we leave, she keep looking at me in a strange way...
Kenny:Isk , why you like this? If I know you reacted in this way, I would not have tell you...

Anyway, the journey home we did not discuss about it because grandparents around. When I reach home, I was actually regretting why I ever give her any clue about my problem. Luckily she did not continue asking me tomorrow. Actually my issue with Alex already expired...I mean it happened so long ago already and I am still not willing to let go and cannot seems to get over it...when will I ever learn?? There is nothing more between us, totally nothing, not even close, if dont make any effort, I think we will just be strangers to each other. Oh God, please and please, Please let me move forward and get over this issue, is been torturing me for years...i am leave hanging still wondering and confused, it just not fair...I am really losing a lot these days, I am just not the same as last time, when can I be happy and see light again?? ok, is late, good night, and tomorrow is another depressing day and more unhappy days ahead...want to know why? Do stay in tune... Oyasuminasai!