On the brink of showing the true colors...

Few days back , I was talking to my aunt when all of a sudden the topic of gay guy come up again. Actually we talk a lot about gay related stuff because she once had a crush on a guy who happened to be GAY!! And I always advice her a lot on gay topic, i tell her everything she don't know or misunderstood about gay. She always tease me if I am gay because she notice I don't have a girlfriend till now and not that there is no girl who like me. I always did not tell her straight forward that I am not gay, I just keep quiet and make a lot ee..ahhh...and just jokingly say dont know and finally say of coz i am not gay. So what makes me nearly reveal everything to her is the following...
Aunt: U know...I once had a lesbian friend and she really looks a guy and very cool looking, I was dancing with her in the club , when my heart suddenly beat very fast and I realise that I have fell in love with her, I was so scare at that time and quickly go home. Luckily the feeling go away the next day...thanks God!
Kenny: *Laugh* *keep quiet*
Very quiet for a long time and my heart was beating fast and indecisive...
Kenny:*very softly* err...can I share with you something?
Aunt: HA?! What are you saying ? Can you please speak louder?
Kenny: Nothing la...
Aunt: THERE IS SOMETHING..WHAT IS IT??
Kenny:*isk,should i continue?* Can I share something with you? Does it ever come across your mind why I know and understand so much about gay?
Aunt: Because you like to read ma...
Kenny: Ya la.,.even if i like to read, why I go and read those gay related stuff...I mean normal guy dont do that right??
Aunt:*speechless and look at me in disbelieve* OMG, dont tell me you are...
Kenny:huh?
Aunt: Wait...do you know that when told me that just now my heart stop beating for 2 seconds? Ok, let me catch a breath, Okay, i am a very open minded person...
Kenny: Actually I have a similar experience to yours, but unlike you, the feelings did not go away..
Aunt: OMG! you have to tell me!!
* is very noisy around because we are in a christmas party and ready to leave the party anytime...*
Kenny: Is a very long story and I cannot tell now...
Aunt: is ok...tell now...there are still time...
* We have to leave coz my grandparents is leaving*
Aunt: Stay a little bit longer...
*Everyone insist on going home*
Before we leave, she keep looking at me in a strange way...
Kenny:Isk , why you like this? If I know you reacted in this way, I would not have tell you...

Anyway, the journey home we did not discuss about it because grandparents around. When I reach home, I was actually regretting why I ever give her any clue about my problem. Luckily she did not continue asking me tomorrow. Actually my issue with Alex already expired...I mean it happened so long ago already and I am still not willing to let go and cannot seems to get over it...when will I ever learn?? There is nothing more between us, totally nothing, not even close, if dont make any effort, I think we will just be strangers to each other. Oh God, please and please, Please let me move forward and get over this issue, is been torturing me for years...i am leave hanging still wondering and confused, it just not fair...I am really losing a lot these days, I am just not the same as last time, when can I be happy and see light again?? ok, is late, good night, and tomorrow is another depressing day and more unhappy days ahead...want to know why? Do stay in tune... Oyasuminasai!

My Christmas Home Made Present

I made this for Alex as a christmas present...NO $$$ recently, very broke....I dont know if he like it...so what you think?? Nice??

Rant and more rant!

Sorry, I just couldn't help it. When things don't go my way, I will whine and rant. What is the better place to do it other than my own blog? In here I can do anything I want, no one will care and I will not make other think that I am psycho or annoying.
I feel so helpless. I feel so useless. I want to do it but I don't know what is wrong.
Maybe I am too playful, I should be a bit serious.
WHY SO SERIOUS??
Sorry, can't help it, is time to be serious...haihZ...what a post...who cares as long as I can rant and feel better!

How to add snow effect

I believe like me, there are people out there who wish to enhance their blog with snow effect to create the Christmas mood in their blog.




I have go through a lot of hassle and searching to find out how to do it too!!




And I already wanted to do it since last year.




So here is a step by step on how to do it...




1st- Go the layout of your blog. You know where is layout?? When you click dashboard, you will see layout...

2nd step- Click 'edit html'

Copy this--->

For snow only copy the first line, for snowflake only copy the second line. If you want both then copy everything!

Then paste what you have copied right after the " body" tag...

After you have paste it, you can click preview to get a preview of your blog with the snow effect, if you like it, click save template. if you dont like, click clear edit.

Is that simple!!

This is the simplest instruction i manage to find because others was just so complicated and difficult.

Hope you like what I share with you.

Merry Christmas!!

P/s: if you still dont get it, can email me...
if you want copy, can refer comment of this post, but please remember to close the < > , notice the different?? change to <>

isk, is actually very simple, but I dont know why blogger keep showing error each time i want to paste the code here!!

Let's be friend again!

Today in MSN,
Alex: So, what have you been doing these past 4 days?
Kenny: Thinking of you lor...
Alex: You have nothing better to do is it? Save that for girls’ la...
Kenny: You think you really have so much for me to think of that I can think of you for 4 days? I have been going for job interview here and there...
Alex: I know that, I am not stupid...
Kenny: ;-p

I was complaining that I am bored and he shut my mouth off inviting me to play minesweeper. Half way through the game, he got disconnected. Who to blame? TM!! How he hates TM and was complaining that he wants to change to Wimax.


And we talk about his boss after that, how he told me that his boss is bald .

Alex: The office is so quiet; everyone doesn’t talk to each other. I sit beside the boss.
Kenny: HUH? Poor you... he don’t talk to you?
Alex: No...how he become boss, fail in management...if I become boss surely is different from this...
Kenny: Then you talk to him lor...
Alex: Talk what? Yat chai sik ngan? ( let’s have lunch together?)
Kenny: He will say nei hai mat sui? ( Who you think you are?)
Alex: I am your future boss!
Kenny: I wonder what he will say if you said that.
Alex: He will quickly get on his feet and polish his my shoe!! HAHA
Kenny: * Draw a pic of a boss with bald head wearing spec and polishing Alex’s shoe.
Alex: OMG! He really looks like that...lol
Kenny: Really? Why all the boss looks like that ah? Can’t have better look?
Alex: Someone will not become boss if he don’t have stress...that is why looks like that
Kenny: So you are going to looks like that too when you become boss?
Alex: No, I am different. I am going to become a CUTE BOSS!
Kenny: CUTE??!! LOL>>>>> You cute??
* Draw a pig...then draw a cute boy with thumbs up and a lot people cheering for him...
Alex: Yes, that is what I will become... CUTE BOSS
Kenny: You are cute? PLEASE DON’T make my stomach pain... LOL

And the conversation go on and on... he use so many cute emoticons to express his words

Kenny: Wa... I thought u said u don’t use emoticons? Suddenly use so many cute emoticons...
Alex: I have been using emoticons, but because between us , we seldom talk in MSN, that is why I did not use it....
Kenny: Then, talk more next time...
Alex: I don’t want. I will prefer face to face.
Kenny: But you are working...
Alex: Then, we go out tomorrow night? Yamcha...
Kenny: Where are we going?? ZOUK?
Alex: No le, MAMAK!!
Kenny? HUH?! *expected* * Shake HEAD* Ok, I am happy with that, anything will do...
Alex: Goodnight...* display cute emoticons again*
Kenny: Goodnight* display an emoticons with a gal bouncing her big boobs...
Alex: OMG!! What are you doing?? This is an islamic country u know...
Kenny: LOL ! *Add some more bouncing boobs*
Alex: MASYA-ALLAH!! Tetapi... memang cantikkan??
Kenny: HA?! U like ?? LOL

We continue exchanging emoticons and no one seems to be the last one to say good night and sign off, seriously this is the first time... usually he is very cool and will just sign off straight away... exchanging emoticons?? NO WAY!! He used to say that emoticons is STUPID! But tonight he certainly don’t seems that way, and finally I did not reply him as he said his final bye bye...*let him sleep, tomorrow he needs to work...

Btw, I am starting work tomorrow also!! :)

Okay, I have decided.

I really have.

Today, I am so happy, laugh so much.

Maybe, just maybe I can bring back what I have lost back then.

Today, Alex and I have chatted so happily in MSN.

I laugh so much, I don’t know if he laugh too, but for me, I really find it funny.

He ask me out for “yamcha” tomorrow.

Maybe, I should just don’t tell and keep it all to my heart.

I treat him as brother, and I should not be thinking something else. What happened back then was because I am too immature. However, after going through so much experience and reading so much, I just could not afford to repeat the same mistake.

Calvin gor, I have decided that I will continue seeing him and keep a good contact with him. I just couldn’t let go. I am just too reluctant to let go. Imagine that, we have been together for 7 years. 7 years, as far as I know is not a short period of time.

I also know that, although we have been together for so many years, we have never really understood each other deeply. Last time, when we are intimate, we are intimate, we are very close to each other but we never talk much to each other. Both of us know that. That is why we always find no words to say to each other. I know, we have two totally opposite personality and we have nothing in common, but I really do care and love him from the core of my heart. I know he does too though I am not sure if he is still the same person as I know last time.

I feel like what I have been working towards is bearing fruit. I have always wanted to undo the damage that I have done so immaturely to our relationship back then. I try so hard to change and did what he complained that I have never done last time. I feel like our relationship is getting better and is just a too waste to let go everything now.

He is God’s gift for me. I found him myself. We promise that when we are old, we are together, enjoying tea over a game of chinese chess. I do not know if he still remembers all the promise he made, but I certainly remember and will always do.

* too sleepy already...to be continued....

Nationwide Art Award

Dedicate this post to Calvin gor, sorry didn't post it yesterday, fell asleep ><
Best of The Best-


The reason why she won is because everything she is use really recycled material...

1st winner-


Is a dress! I have a better picture but the picture is corrupted alrdy :( comp got problem...

2nd winner-



3rd winner-


I have no idea what is that!!

4 th winner-

I like this one, and I thought he will win the 1st place, got to know him and he is a nice person... :)

5th winner- Mine :P

How i screw it up, the neck was too thin to support the eyes, the eyes keep falling down, in the end i have to use something to support the neck, the leg keep falling off, stupid glue, not strong! And it has got more, the bottle caps actually contain messages that can be projected to the wall when there is light, but my soldering machine suddenly not working ><, the eyes actually got light and the wheel can actually move ! But i didn't do that, no time...why no time? I rush back home in between the competition because i left one of his hand at home!!! what is wrong with me? Must be because i did not get enough rest, too stress and it was just a day after my STPM, i rush home and return about 3o minutes later( I must be crazy :( (T________T)

But thanks GOD :) at least still got something, something is always better than nothing right?? *self-convincing* T__T

6 th winner-

I joined category B( making a gift for Eve using recycled or used material)

now, the following is the winner for category A( drawing and painting)

I am sucks in painting ><

2nd winner-

3rd winner-

4th winner-


5th winner-

6th winner-

so, this is the overall result of the competition. If you want to know what this competition is about, click here.

Thanks God , thanks everyone who have leave comment in the previous post, thanks Calvin for your moral support, thanks Mom for her money to let me buy those material needed( will pay you back once I have money), and thanks ALex for being there on the day of the competition( I am very tired that day, but I am happy you are there and make so many funny remarks that me laugh :). Thanks everyone !

A Night With A Smiley Face

I did not get to see it because I did not even know there is such thing going on :(

Anyway, this is how the smiling night looks like...



I wonder who else saw it with their own eyes...

Hehe, I steal this pic from my friend's blog, and he don't know XD