Lost in Transition

It has been happening and is happening all the time. It was really a very confusing day for me. People making me believing things that I know is not true and didn't happen. I feel so heavy. As though a big rock is in your head. I am catching for my breath. I dare not close my eyes for is just too scary and too unbelievable.
Am I really like that? What do people think of me actually? Why am I just so good in sending the wrong signal to people?
I was just fine. I try really so hard to remain positive all the time.
People coming and tell you all sorts when all this while you don't even meet or talk to him more than 10 times in a month?
And expecting you to open up to him?
What is over is over. I just try to stay positive and maintaining good relationship with anyone I come across.
However, most of the time people just do not want to give me a chance.
Appearing strong and daring on the outside does not mean it really reflect the inner you as well.
Fear is there all the time.
I am not timid.
I am just too clouded by fear.
I am scare.
Sometimes, my heart beat so fast for no reason and cold sweat starts trickling.
Lucky for me it has not been happening for a long time.
You have no idea how much fear I go through as a child.
I was afraid. Especially of things I can't see.
I am train to be daring.
I am no longer afraid of them.
But it does not mean I really don't.
I do. It just that I ignore it and believe only in Him.
Please don't confuse me.
I did not even do anything wrong.
I try so hard to be the best I can be.
I try so hard to control myself.
I am really scare sometimes.
I don't know why.
Even the sudden sound of loud amplifying is enough to jolt me up from my seat.
Today, I am really scare.
When the scare goes away, confusion come followed by heaviness.
I keep catching my breath.
Is over, just let it rest.
Everything is fine.
Now, that I have wrote it out, I feel better. Hopefully I really am.
Please don't confuse me. I have feelings.