Compass

Waking up feeling zombified these days,

I felt like there is no sense of direction in my daily life,

I am really losing interest in what I am doing,

But despite it all, I have finally come to the last stage,

It is really not the time to give up but rather finishing it and end it once and for all,

Is really difficult to be outstanding in something you have no passion and no interest,

Trying each time to convince yourself again and again,

Im amazed how I manage to pull through each stage when my other peers even failed to pass,

What is next after this?

How am I going to endure for the continuing future doing this thing?

I really tried setting up my mind to like what Im doing, but it just wont register into my head,

I really has taken one wrong step in my life,

How silly is it, because of my desire to chase after something that I couldnt get in the past,

I ended up here, is not a bad place, in fact it offers a bright opportunity,

But if only I have met the right person and having someone to guide me, I knew I would have end up somewhere better

But I am just completely not good at it,

Despite all these, I found something that I like, and it became my only focus object,

You can't blame me, is after all what I have been looking for so long,

I felt so insecure recently, no clear sense of direction, is like I just followed where the wind blowed me,

I just hope there is someone to show me the way or at least tell me what to do,

I really want to have a clearer direction of my own life,

At the moment , I would just need to endure what I am doing until I found the opportunity,

Just needed someone guide me sometimes and motivating me,

Glad that I still have this blog to rant out everything I wanted to,

At least I felt some relief.

If only I have a compass that can lead me....

Fiction became reality?

Waking up with a bright smile,
No feeling of wanting to go back to sleep although is just slightly after dawn,
The anticipation is better than the kickboost from caffein,
Imagining how each plan of ours for the day unfold,
All I wanted now is to quickly meet you and start our adventure,
Leaving everything behind,
Knowing we have lots of time,
But each second that passed will be savoured,
Happy times tend to accelerate,
Finally after those tiring period,
I can hold your hand for the longest period of time,
No deadline, no exams, no work, no challenge,
Where missing you became kissing you,
A holiday worth remembering,
Will this fiction ever became a reality?

Confusion

Sometimes I am confused of my own feeling,
Am I clingy or worried?
Worried? What is there to be worried about?
Do I care too much?
Do I tried too hard?
Am I overprotective?
Am I causing myself too much stress?
I have lots other important thing to care about which I am neglecting,
Is not I purposely choose to do that, I just cannot concentrate,
Not knowing what is happening, I cannot sleep, I cannot stay calm,
And knowing I could reach you and know about your whereabout easily,
But I do not know If I am doing the right things, interogating so much,
I know I do not need worry about you and you will be just fine,
But I cannot bring myself to do that,
And when I chose to ignore that feeling, there is a possibility something might go wrong and it has proven right from the incident happened not so long ago,
No...is just impossible that I will not feel worry about you if I know you are somewhere out there for such long period of time,
I am worried because you matter too much ,
I am worried because I could not bare knowing something happened to you,
I am worried because I love you too much,
And I'm glad I finally reached you before ending this post,
I just want know you are safe and sound,
I'm relief that you are ;)
p/s: No wonder i keep having white hair, u r one of the main contributor! >

Theme Park? Fun Fair?

Hearing the voice of excitement from people screaming, the familiar looping music from the machines, the beeping sound and laughter from passerby...

The smell of the freshly popped popcorn and the sight of colorful candies and candy floss,

The glimmering colorful light from the graceful ferris-wheel, the sight of roller-coaster, pirate ship, haunted house, the game booth where people trying their luck so hard to get a doll which they can most probably afford to buy them in a store....

I feel like visiting a funfair or theme park, I can safely said is close to a decade since I last been to one. I remembered when I was a kid, is a norm to see fun fair being set up near your housing area. These days, I don't even see any. Maybe people have found other source of entertainment that made the fun fair business not worth embarking.

I somehow prefer the sight of those rides and machines at night, it appear more magical and plus you do not need worry about blazing hot sun.

Having no one to accompany me on those trips with parents to Genting Highlands, I feel like an adult even as a kid. I never have any keen feeling to go for any ride. The very fact that I am not allowed to go and no one to accompany me has made me keep those excitement beneath me. As time goes by, I have accepted that is ok I never get a chance to ride on those machines.

Sometimes I have this idea of maybe going alone one day and tried out all the ride, moreover my uni is just right next to a theme park!!

But I know being me I will most probably abandon the whole idea, few years back maybe I still enjoyed going alone, but these days I will never want visit those kinda places alone, I would never even consider watching a movie in a cinema alone.

If I ever go to a theme park again, I would want try to ride the roller coaster, but I do not know whether I will like it or not also.

And besides fun fair and theme park, something else I also missed is going for a circus!

But now I think circus encouraged animal cruelty, still is nice to watch those performance ...

Those were the times...

Reminiscence...

Half a year has gone

Should have written this post last month but due to procrastination it was delayed until now, July is coming to an end as well...

I'm really grateful that in this past six months nothing bad has happened but only good memories. Although my life has not became very colorful, it is certainly very different as compared to before meeting him...

A quick recap on what happened in last six months:

1) Done and submitted my thesis.
2) Found a bf. ( Long long story...)
3) First time knock someone's car ><
4) Climbed Broga hill.
5) Failed all my progress test and mock exam, did not study consistently but work very hard before finals and now praying that I will pass the two papers. I just need a pass ><
6) Came out to "Alex" again and finally bridged the friendship that was broken.
7) Owned an Iphone 4 :)
8) Get to know more friends from the rainbow world.
9) First time getting a summon!
10) Been sexually active. :) im no longer dry...hahahaha

In conclusion, this past six months, is mainly about how life is different being in a relationship. That will be for another post. But I have to say, is the sweetest six months I had and is still continuing happily. Although I am still the dull and boring me, but I am no longer lonely! In fact, there is two less lonely people in this world jor...hahahaha

That is all for now. ;)

100 Facts about me- Part 1

This post is dedicated to Mr Forest ;)





1.I am currently in a relationship :)


2.I am having my first serious relationship.


3.I am still a v-i-r-g-i-n. Oooops...LOL. Waiting for someone to change that fact :-x


4.I used to hate guys. LOL


5.I never thought of liking someone younger before. LOL


6.I like seeking attention from the one I love :p and is actually very clingy :-x


7.I am a morning person.


8.I am afraid of height.


9. I can't swim. Trying to change that fact.


10. I am very impatient. Trying to change that fact.


11.I used to like sleeping on the floor but not anymore. I can't sleep without a bed now.


12.My least favourite vege is brinjal unless it is fried ;)


13.I don't eat beef because I pity cow. But I love lamb...LOL :p


14.I have never board an airplane and a ship before.


15.I have never ride a roller coaster before.


16.I never been to oversea before and my furthest is Perak.


17.I can't speak English until standard 4.


18.I used to be very scare of dogs and never dare to touch them.


19.I feel like sleeping if I am down with troubles.


20.I am a very curious person and can go till great extend to satisfy my curiousity ;p


21.I never ride a motorbike before :(


22.I used to be afraid of the supernatural(ghost to be exact) until I got immune to them.


23.My least favourite colour is pink.


24.It is very easy to make me laugh but very difficult to make me cry.


25.When I was a kid, I love looking at the clouds and imagining them as monsters and dragons fighting in the air. Till today I still enjoy looking at the clouds. ;)


26.When I was a kid, I hate Bah Kut Teh the most; but today, it has became my favourite xD


27.I am a big kid and never like serious and mature stuff. But I have got no choice, I need to grow up in order to cope with life. But no matter how difficult is life, it does not kill the kid in me :p


28.I love anything that has to do with robots, monsters, dragons, magical or things that I can assemble ;) I seldom like cute stuff actually...LOL


29.I hate gardening and plants usually end up dying if being taken care by me. haha


30.I enjoy seafood more than meat. I must have fish everyday if possible.


31.I like any vegetables that is leafy but my favourite vegetable is ladies finger.


32.Having money won't make me happy, is what I can do with the money that make me happy.


33.I cannot sit or stand quietly. I don't like staying at home unless I am tired.


34.The thing I never like receiving for birthday is mug or cup. Lucky I only received once. That is because I only feel comfortable using my current mug.


35.I never like the idea of giving or receiving undergarment as Birthday or Christmas gift either. Is ok if I get it on normal days.


36.I buy clothes because I need to look good and not because I enjoy buying them. I will get headache each time I need to shop for clothes. It will be really great to have someone with good taste helping me to choose and decide for me.But must have good taste because I am very picky :p


37.I am no longer sensitive to coffee. ;)


38.I have got short term memory loss.


39.I am a very touchy feely person and need body or skin contact all the time. But only from my partner!


40.I need a lot freedom and is the thing I am always fighting for.


41. I love travelling but never had the chance to indulge in it because is too costly.


42. I need enough money and will feel insecure if I don't.


43.Is difficult for me to get along with someone who is very stingy. There is a diffrence between spending wise and being stingy.


44.I don't like to talk after eating a full meal. LOL


45.I enjoy going cinema. I enjoy watching movies and do not mind any movie as long as it is not the draggy type.



46.I don't really talk much unless I need to. Therefore, I can be quite a quiet person and is ok not talking at all. Therefore, I need to find someone I feel comfortable being silent. I found it :)


47.I may appear unfriendly and that is because I am shy.


48.I am force to memorise the whole multiple table up to 12*12 at the age of 6.


49.Im a big fan of Transformers.

50. I don't remember when I last wrote whatever I am writing in this post! *GOSH* >

How much is the right amount?

I am new.
I am inexperience.
I have a traditional mindset.
I do not want to appear like very annoying or what the chinese would have call it, "fan"(烦).
Over-controlling or maybe over protective. Sometimes maybe is my fault. I do not understand that my partner is not a girl.
Or maybe I do not understand the other person.
This post was originally long. But I have deleted them. Sometimes I think I even need to choose my words.
I have no idea why things have to be so formal. I tried opening up to you sometimes, but no matter how much assurance you gave me that is ok for me to be open to you, I still remain very concious. Is as though I have a good image to protect. Don't you notice you just proven is not so ok to seek others for help?
Sometimes I just lost track. I think I am doing the right thing for doing this and that, but I never ask if is really what you want. I may think what I did is the right thing, but you may see it as maybe too much, over controlling or maybe over protective.
Or you would have think, "C'mon, I am not a kid ok?"
This post was originally very long, but I just do not want make you uncomfortable by writing too much of unneccessary thing.
So, I will just stick to the main point.
You just need tell me what is your need. I totally respect that. I believe everyone need is different. I may have think I am giving you what I think you need, but to you is actually not what you really need. And at the end of the day, you are basically still deprived of what you need.
I am not doing anything for you to satisfy my personal ego. I do it because I cared. There are things I am incapable of doing sometimes, but each little thing I think I can do it, I have done what I could in my ability to do it.
Maybe you should tell me what are the right thing to do. Sorry, I have not been someone's boyfriend before. There are many do's and don't I am not aware of.
I do not want to be doing the unneccessary thing all the time whilst missing those that I should have done.
I am not here just to utter I love you everyday for fun. I believe in action. What I can do for you, is how I can show I cared and love you.
I believed we are here to help each other progress in life. There are certainly more than just being romantic.
Last but not least, all I have done is just because I cared, but I may have been excessive sometimes, I do not know.
You just need tell me what you need. I admit I need direct clue from you. Don't beat around the bush.
p/s: this post is not well written, I just do not know how to put it in right words. But the main emphasis is, maybe you should tell me what is your definition of a boyfriend. I will always respect your need. Believe me.