Why you should think twice before you marry a computer programmer XD

Sebelum anda memutuskan untuk berkahwin dengan seorang "programmer", anda perlu pikir dengan semasak-masaknya dulu sebelum anda menyesal dikemudian hari.Ini adalah contoh daripada seorang hamba Allah yang mengadu pada mengenai hubungan dia dan si suami, seorang programmer setiap hari..................

Suami: (Setelah balik lewat dari pejabat) "Selamat malam sayang, sekarang saya logged in."
Isteri: Abang ada beli tak barang yang saya pesan tadi?
Suami: Bad command or filename.
Isteri: Tapi kan ke saya dah call abang pagi tadi kat pejabat suruh abang beli!
Suami: Errorneous syntax. Abort?
Isteri: Ish. Abang nih, takkan itu pon tak ingat? Hahaa..... Abang kata tadi dalam telefon nak beli tv? Mana dia?
Suami: Variable not found...
Isteri: Abang nih memang tak bole harap la. Bak kad kredit abang. biar saya pergi belikan dan shopping barang dapur sekali.
Suami: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Isteri: Abang ni tak sayang saya ke? abang lebih sayang komputer abang tu dari saya. Saya tak tahan la kalau macam ni selalu.
Suami: Too many parameters...
Isteri: Saya menyesal pilih abang sebagai suami saya. Harapkan muka je hensem.
Suami: Data type mismatch.
Isteri: Abang nih memang betul-betul tak berguna la.
Suami: It's by Default.
Isteri: Macamana pula dengan gaji abang?
Suami: File in use ... Try later.
Isteri: Kalau begitu, apa peranan saya disisi abang sebagai isteri?
Suami: Unknown Virus.

This is so funny!! LOL XD

Why woman can't read map and men don't listen...

The below story is a diary from a his and her...
HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. ; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I wanted to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY
MAN UTD. lost 2-0 to Chelsea today, but at least I got laid.

Part 2- A letter from a wife to her husband...


Dear Husband:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell.Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home andate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't.Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Signed: Your EX-Wife

Reply from husband:
Dear Ex-Wife:Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you'vebeen. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eatingpork seven years ago.I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was acoincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us twotickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.Everything happens for a reason I guess.I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was bornCarla. I hope that's not a problem.

That is why people always say men and women think differently... ;)

Funny Riddles

1) What when goes in is triangle but when it comes out is all curl up?

Guess












Answer: Underwear :)

2) When it is alive we sing, when it is dead we clap our hands. What is it?





Guess!!






















Can't guess??





















Answer: Birthday Candles!! XD

3) Scorpion kaler apa? ( only for those understand malay :) )


Answer: Kala Jengking lah...



4) Dalam banyak-banyak kera, kera apa paling pandai menaip?


Answer: Kerani



5) Five girls under an umbrella but non of them got wet? Why??




Answer: Because is not raining lor... :)



6) What is black and is sweating?


Can't guess??



































Give up??























Answer: A black ant that is jogging... Don't be angry I know is ridiculous ><

Best Way to Kill Your Husband or BF

Need more words to say? Cannot imagine what will happen... XD

The Malaysian Poem- SUPER FUNNY!!

Can study continue STUDY
Can't study, work FACTORY
Cannot rely on CHARITY
Earn a little SALARY
Just enough 4 daily ROTI
Go work no WIRA but LRT.

Colleagues formerly FRIENDLY
Daily treated to KOPI
Now gradually get CRAZY
Behind me say I LAZY.

Boss has no SYMPATHY
Work always must HURRY
Say I not enough BUSY
Often ask me do OT
Midnight go back by TAXI
TAXI surcharge KILLING ME
Now i pokai and NO MORE MONEY
Borrow from chettia kena EXTRA FEE
Coz money is never FREE
Boy/girl-friend go STEADY
Serious, and then MARRY Ceremony and PARTY joker-friends give PANTY
No money sure no HONEY
10 months later be DADDY
Wife at GH birth a BABY
Monthly pay back RHB
Earn not enough FEEL GUILTY
Jump down suicide and MATI
No money 4 funeral how to BURY
Go see God every thing hoping will JADI
Because MALAYSIA BOLEH. SEMUA JADI.

OMG!! Damn Funny! Don't you think so?? Lol

Christmas Tree Joke- SUPER FUNNY!!

This is a funny joke about Christmas tree, enjoy reading!

A family is at the dinner table.The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

Don't Make Your Conclusion Too Fast

"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn`t have his testicle removed."Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?""Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed.

But two weeks after the operation, he came back. "Doc, I don`t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue too."Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too.

And again, the man was very reluctant. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My ***** is now completely blue."After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the bad news.

If he wants to live, his ***** has to go. Of course, he did not want to hear about it."You really want to die?", asked the doctor."But... how do I pee?""We`ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So, the ***** is removed and a while after the operation, the unfortunate man again returns the doctor`s office.

He is very angry."Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue." "What?""Can you tell me what the hell is happening?"

So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says,"Hmmmm, I think the jeans is loosing colour......" :)